Shaken and Stirred but not Beaten

Whoever started the phrase 'bored to death' and 'bored senseless' must be dead by now. And seriously, I'm starting to know the feeling.

My head is constantly spinning and I'm almost always nauseated. Somehow I feel my brain is about to atrophy. I'm bloated even though I'm aeons away from PMSing. Even my ovaries have gone on a major strike as I haven't had my period in nearly 5 weeks and I'm not even pregnant.

I lost ALL my files recently when my portable hard drive crashed. Imagine losing important data for work and copies/ scanned documents of me and my family plus about 80 GB worth of photos. Kaput. Just like that.

I feel so alone even when I'm not. I feel as though the bottom of my world is about to fall out. I feel as if all doors have been slammed on my face. I think I'm way past homesickness pero p***ng ina, inip na inip na 'ko!

I'm not even complaining. Because I know that's how life is. It hits you hard and it hits you fast. And I've gained and lost everything in my life twice over in the past and I'm not afraid to go through that again.

Going Lord Byron's way, 'The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain.'

And I'd rather be dead than nonexistent.

My Old Man

Happy Father's Day to the 2 greatest and dearest men in my life.......

Then.......Now....... And always.......Happy Father's Day to all Dads out there :)

Doubting Thomas

I've been so friggin' down, depressed, and bored lately that last week I was contemplating on a) talking to a squirrel, b) jumping off a cliff, and c) gouging my eyes out.

I've read a lot of Poe and it left me even more dejected. I've solved more than 80% of all the sodoku puzzles in the DS' Brain Age yet I still feel as though my brain has atrophied. I called my Mom whom I haven't seen in nearly 3 months just to see how she's doing (she's just undergone appendectomy) and she ended up giving me a litany on (unfortunate) current events and versed my long list of lapses some 20 years ago so I hung up and felt even more dysphoric than I already was.

I just about hyperventilated so I started praying and ended up questioning my faith.

Don't get me wrong, I was born and raised Catholic. I attended Catholic school in elementary and an all-girls Catholic school in high school. My parents were never really religious though. There was even a time in my teenage life that I was a proud agnostic.

But it was in that disblief that I started searching. And I realized how beautiful religon is.

Although I am Catholic, I don't shun other religons. I don't subscribe to just one religon either.

I do attend Sunday mass because in doing so, I feel an immense amount of gratitude. I pray as much as I can not so much for salvation but because it brings me much tranquility and serenity. And I DO believe not because I can feel it in me. Knowing that I am not alone, I am one happy camper.

Ultimately, it's not so much about the gestures or mantras or what it signifies but what it does to me and how it makes me feel inside.

So here's to believing, disbelieving, searching, and the odd things in between. Because even in disbelief there is pursuit. And in searching, discovery.

Cure For Boredom

Nipped from Posh Totty

1. Can you legally drink? Yes, but I don't.
2. Will you be married in the next 2 years? I already am and will probably still be in 2 years.

3. Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward? Depends.
4. What are your least favorite school subjects? None, I had of lot of undesirable teachers though.

5. Who was the last person you called? Joel.

6. Do you prefer to call or text? Call.
7. Do you have a pet? Yes.
8. What did you do today? A lot.
9. Do you like carrots? Sometimes.
10. When is the last time you saw your mom? 67 days ago.
11. Do you believe in karma? Yes.
12. Are you taller than 5'5"? Unfortunately, no.
13. How many city/towns have you lived in? 5
14. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet? Shoes for the outdoors, socks indoors, and bare feet in bed.
15. Are you a social person? Nay.
16. What was the last thing you drank? Water.

17. What are your favorite colors? Black and white technically aren't colors so I'd say blue.
21. Do you like coffee? Yep.
22. Would you rather have money or love? Can't I choose both?

23. Have you ever sat on a roof? Affirmative.
24. What are you listening to? Nothing.
25. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? Yes, right side.
26. Do you know how to play poker? Yes.
27. What are you thinking about right now? An answer to this question.

28. Any plans for the weekend? I'll tell you next week.
29. What time do you get up in the morning? 4:30 A.M.

31. Do you eat ranch with your pizza? No.
32. Last person you IM'ed? My sister, Roselle.
33. Have you ever been in an ambulance? No.
34. Do you prefer an ocean or pool? Ocean.
35. What color shirt are you wearing? White.
36. Do you know how to drive a stick shift? Hell yeah!!!
37. What's bothering you right now? Can't tell.
38. Do you hold grudges? Unfortunately.
40. Who's myspace page did you visit last? I don't have a myspace account so none.

41. Are you a Lost fanatic? Yes.

43. Earphones or headphones? Earphones.

44. At this very moment what should you be doing? Something else.

45. Do you read novels often? Not as much as I used to.
46. What is the color of your bedroom walls? Eggshell.
47. Do you shut off the water while you brush your teeth? Yes.
49. Are you mad about anything? Mad as in indignant, or mad as in gung ho?

50. Do you sing obnoxiously in the car? Only when I'm alone.
51. Last 2 people to call you? My sister-in-law and my paternal grandmother.

52. Have you ever thought you didn't like someone, and then found out that you really liked them? Yes, and I hate it when that happens.
54. How was this weekend? Saturnine.
55. Do/did you listen to your parents? When I was younger, never. Nowadays, I try.
56. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone? Mine, nothing really. Joel's, I smashed to pieces a few years ago.
57. Is there anyone that doesn't like you because of something you did? Maybe.

58. Do you think your first love affects the way you go on with life? Not as much as your first heartbreak.
59. The phone rings. What is your ring tone? AT&T default ringtone.

60. Did you go anywhere yesterday? No.

61. Who was the last person you shared beds with? Joel.
62. Favorite drink? Coffee.

63. Does the person you like know that you like them? I hope so.

64. Where are you right now? In hiatus.
65. If you HAD to kiss the last person you kissed, would you? It was Joel, so I'd say yes.

66. Favorite gadget in the kitchen? Refrigerator.
67. Favorite pie? Banana Creme & Cheesecake.
68. How is your hair? Pinstraight and screaming, "Why the hell did you have to cut me short?!?!!"
69. Where's the last place you walked to? Just a few blocks away.
70. Last time you had a sleepover? 10 years ago.
71. Latest you stayed up in the past week? 1 A.M.
72. What are you doing, Aside from answering these questions? Rolling my eyeballs.
73. Have you been in a car accident? Many times, 2 of them serious.
74. What is the last thing you said aloud? Brush your teeth.

75. Who's the 1st person on your missed calls list? Joel.
76. What did the last text message you received say? I can't tell you. It's too personal.
77. Last time you went to church? Last week.
DESCRIBE YOUR:
78.Wallet? Black, simple, and brimming with receipts.
79.Eyes? Brown, dozy, and fatigued.
80.Life? Blue, shelved, and in waiting.

WHAT ARE YOU:
81.Doing this weekend to come? See # 28.

82.Wearing? White tank top, white sweater, light blue jammies and socks.

83.Wanting? To win the lottery.

84.Listening to? Does silence count?

85.What do you smell? Vicks.
86. Do you sleep naked? When I have to.
87. Do you like seafood? Yes.
88. Do you remember your dreams? Sometimes, but not too vividly though.
89. Do you consider yourself a study freak? Yes, unfortunately.
90. Do you speak another language other than English? Yes, in my native tongue. And oh, do Spanish curse words count?
91.What did you do last night? Slept, and with clothes on.
92. What do you hate? Rats, cockroaches, gaucheness.
93.Orange or apple juice? Orange juice.
94.Who were the last people you went out to lunch with? Can't remember.
95.Last thing you ate? Porkchops.

Missing

What I miss:
- Blogging!
- Wakeboarding
- Tripping
- Soliloquizing
- Ranting & Raving
- Bitching & Moaning
- Ogling at the latest goodies in Greenbelt 5
- itlog na pula at kamatis, tinapang isda, rellenong bangus, bicol express, kilawing talaba, suman, biko, halayang ube, Dolor's kakanin, Chowking halo-halo

What I don't:
- Politics
- Assholes

What I never thought I'd miss but I actually do (now):
- Traffic
- Texting
- Politics (maybe just a little)

Who I miss (terribly):
- My parents, esp. my mom
- My Nanay Cora
- My siblings, esp. Memai
- My friends, esp. Vince
- My baby girl, Sedira

*sigh*

Pixelist: I (Heart) New York, Part Two

Still no entry to go with this one, just a bunch of pics.......

The Empire State Building St. Patrick's Cathedral at Madison AvenueThe nave of the cathedralLV @ NYTrump Tower at 5th Avenue Glorious rose marled interior
Central Park
5th Avenue station*sigh* I heart NY.......

Pixelist: I (Heart) New York, Part One

After what seemed like an aeon of not posting anything, i.e. blogging hiatus, the chakaness is back. Well, sort of, as I still have no entry to post save for some recent pics and a few updates. I'm quite happy to say that I'm finally reunited with dear, dear hubby ;) At the cool Apple Store at West 14th Street

InsideMany thanks to lovely couple Raymund & Bambi, without whom we would've been utterly cluesless.