Shaken and Stirred but not Beaten
Whoever started the phrase 'bored to death' and 'bored senseless' must be dead by now. And seriously, I'm starting to know the feeling.
My head is constantly spinning and I'm almost always nauseated. Somehow I feel my brain is about to atrophy. I'm bloated even though I'm aeons away from PMSing. Even my ovaries have gone on a major strike as I haven't had my period in nearly 5 weeks and I'm not even pregnant.
I lost ALL my files recently when my portable hard drive crashed. Imagine losing important data for work and copies/ scanned documents of me and my family plus about 80 GB worth of photos. Kaput. Just like that.
I feel so alone even when I'm not. I feel as though the bottom of my world is about to fall out. I feel as if all doors have been slammed on my face. I think I'm way past homesickness pero p***ng ina, inip na inip na 'ko!
I'm not even complaining. Because I know that's how life is. It hits you hard and it hits you fast. And I've gained and lost everything in my life twice over in the past and I'm not afraid to go through that again.
Going Lord Byron's way, 'The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain.'
And I'd rather be dead than nonexistent.
Labels: Personal
posted by Black_Mamba at
16.6.08
30 Comments:
Oh my! Bring the hard drive to a competent technician and hopefully, the stored data can be recovered.
I'm sorry your having a rough go of it Ivy. I do know you'll pull through because of who you are. I will be thinking of you and lending strength anyway I can.
My wife's mother (who passed away last year suddenly at the age of 77 once said:
"It's a great life if you don't weaken". She had a hard but very enriching life.
A philosophy the whole family now lives by.
It's a great life Ivy if you don't weaken. Remember that.
Take care dear.
~JD
Ganun ba yun? e kailangan na pala akong mag exist sis...
I am so sorry for the two lost sis, ako di pa nawawalan pero I have the same feeling as yours, nakalagpas na rin ako sa homesickness, ewan ko kung ano yung tumatakbo ngayon pero ang alam ko..kaya natin yan diba :)
ingat lagi!
Ivy, I wish I knew you better, but I want to say as a life long sufferer of depression and anxiety....this too shall pass and should it not, do not be afraid to seek help. even if you just need to talk. I have great shoulders.
sometimes stuff just pliles up..but it ends eventually..just keep on trucking..:)
Hi Ivy,
I am sorry for this unfortunate events. Pero kaya mo yan. Isipin mo na lang buhay ka pa. Lilipas lahat ng hindi maganda.
And I don't even want to offer any specific advice kasi I will never be able to know how you exactly feel at this time. But take solace in the thought that yun nga life is a never ending ups and downs.
I am not sure if you are familiar with the song Windmills of My Mind. Yung theme song sa Bonnie and Clyde, if my aging memory serves me right. Kantahin mo sya at damdamin mo ang tila paikot-ikot na melody ng song. Malamang maaliw ka kahit papano.
If you are too young to know the song however, play and listen to something loud on your iPod or any audio equipment na meron ka dyan. Tapos sayaw ka parang nag-e-aerobics. Hala sige na.
Pero Cheers! muna :-)
A period when everything goes wrong,mmm? Don't waste your life to be sad, tomorrow you will remember it with tears of joy.
Ever listen to The Suicidal Tendencies? They have a song - Captian Stupid - maybe you need a better outlook: "Oh, what's that now? So you say life sucks? Well, 90% of it's what you make of it, so if your life sucks, YOU SUCK!" - I love that song!!
"Oh, and I'm sorry if I offended you, but maybe you needed to be offended" and because I'm nice I'll leave off the line that comes after that - let's just say it's a rockin' kick ass song!!
Have a great Wednesday!! :)
Hello Ivy,
I've dropped cards on you more than a couple of times, but this is my first time to stop and read a post of yours.
Frustrations come in a series at times, and they can be a cause for ranting and smashing things and showing a devil-may-care attitude. This can only happen because we care about those things that disappointed us and it hurts. But that's the way life goes - it's a series of good times and bad times. Survival is in what we make of the good and how we handle the bad.
However, venting frustrations by ranting is one good method too. So go ahead and scream. The one point I can't fully agree with is that pain may make us realize we're alive, but it's no way to live. I'd overcome the pain as fast as possible. For suggestions? Try the ones written by your readers. Oh, and by the way, the other song mentioned is "Windmills of your mind", the theme song in the original version of The Thomas Crown Affair starring Steve McQueen and Faye Dunaway. The original version was sung by Noel Harrison, son of an old English Actor Rex Harrison. :-) --Durano, done!
I didn't read though all of the comments. But your HD may not be a total loss. Freeze it. That is right put the damn thing in the freezer for about 24 hours. Take it out, put it in a ziploc, wrap it in a cold pack and put that in another ziplock. hook the drive up and you might beable to get your data back.
Heck if your in the atlanta, ga area, I will be ha\ppy to take a look at it.
I almost had to go through that when my notebook crashed 3 years ago. Although I didn't lose major files, it left me in stupor for quite a while, wondering if I can keep at it, if it's all worth the effort. Now, 3 years hence, I see it as a major irritant, nothing more. Perhaps I was just lucky.
I hope everything shapes up for you again.
Ivy, depression is unpredictable and often harsh on the mind and soul. There is medication which can help. It's sounds like your hormones are speaking to you begging get us some help.
Don't do this alone..it won't leave you..It'll be there from time to time, and medication will fight your battle. Counseling will give you peace and closure.
Meanwhile, you have a special talent in your writing..it's beautiful to read. Your not alone and we're thinking of you.
My prayers and blessings..
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
grammology.com
Ivy!!! It's been a while. At last nakita ko na ulit site mo. Hahahahah. Mwah.
Hey sis!! gising, puro ka na lang comment walang update lol!
Ang ganda ni Sui Juris Sprite! Tse!
hiya,
I updated your url, as asked.
Best regards,
~ Rick
"I'd rather be dead than nonexistent."
Powerful words. And the thought is actually stuck in my head. I've gotta get out of my stasis.
I hope your okay. just dropping by and dropped a card. :>
@ Work At Home. I think I'll do that. Thanks.
@ J.D., I'll keep that in mind. Thanks :)
@ Sassy Mama Bear. I sure could use those shoulders. Thank you.
@ Confused, It sure does. Thanks.
@ Lotus Flower, I love that song.
P.S. I'm not that old LOL :)
@ Liudmila, I sure hope so.
@ Frigga, I haven't but I definitely will. Thank you :)
@ Brad, Blogging is my way of screaming. Thank you.
@ Mouseclone, I'm too chicken to even try. But I'll take you up on that offer if I'm ever in Atlanta LOL....
@ Jet, Perhaps you are lucky. Thans.
@ Dorothy, It sure is and I'm still trying my best not to go through it alone. Thank you and my blessings to you too.
@ Frankie, Long time, haha...
@ Melai, Eto na, ngayon pa lang LOL....
@ Lyka, Oo nga eh. Inggit ako :)
@ Rick, Thanks.
@ IP, I've been trying to do the same for a week now.
@ Tentay, I think I'm on my way. Thanks.
Hey sis, may award ka sa kin ha :)
Hi Ivy, it's been a long since the last time I was here. Pasensiya na. I missed a lot of your past entries kaya hindi ko alam ang mga pangyayaring naganap. I am very sorry to hear about your loss.
Feeling alone even when you're not is normal lalo na't miss mo ang mga mahal mo sa buhay. Magpakatatag ka lang and you will see the bright side of life sooner than you expected.
Take care...
hi I just want to say thank you for dropping you card on my blog..
you have a nice blog.. very nice content.. let me invite you to subscribe to my posts so that you may improve and optimize your blog more..
thank you.. god bless
lord byron also said "I had a dream, which was not all a dream" which makes him either demented or had the best grade smokes ever. love the blog btw. wave and hi to new york for me
Hi ate Ivy,
a lot of times ganyan tlga..for the past few weeks ganyan din feeling ko..peo okay nko khit papano.
btw, sayang ung pics...sa family pa naman namin napakaimportante ng mga pics..sbi nga ng nanay ko kpg nasunugan (wag naman sna) kmi unang una syang isasalba ung mga pics namin. un ung memory that is frozen forever, ung memory na akala mo ndi totoo tas nakita mo ung pic..ai totoo pla..
syang tlga...nxt time..bk up mo s cd or any storage n ndi mdli masira.
hope u feel better na.
i know how u feel, a bit. :)
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"When the night is the darkest, it means that soon the day will break. Press on!
Wishing goodness in all aspects of your life and you have nothing to fear in moving forward. God Bless!
awsome
Hi, I hope things are going well for you. I know what it feels like to have the world cave in on you. I think feeling alone is the worst feeling for me, especially when you're surrounded by so many people. Life does hit your hard, can't argue with that. I hope you continue to write more because I enjoy reading your blogs.
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