Dreamweaving

I've been beating my brains out trying to come up with my wildest dream. I was tagged for a meme by Leena (Thank you dear :) . I so love and appreciate memes. Over the past month, I've been fortunate enough to have worked on the simplest to the most backbreaking of tags. Most of which have been very, very personal.

It's been nearly 2 weeks and I haven't anything in mind. Pretty idiotic for a self-proclaimed Pinay Dreamer, don't you think?

Don't get me wrong I have countless and immeasurable dreams. From pipe dreams, to vivid phantasms, to hallucinatory visions.

When I was little girl, I dreamt of being a princess. In reality, I am not of noble origin and I have not an iota of royal blood running through my veins.

I once longed to be immortal. Then again, I realized that life, after a certain point reaches a level of saturation. Where everything is damned repetition. That in mind, why the hell would I wish to live forever?

I desperately wish to find a cure for Cancer and AIDS. Alas, I'm no medical genius. I am but an ignorant fool.

I have visions of bringing up my children to be the best they can be (whatever that means). But I am only a mere instrument. I can only stand back in awe as I watch them grow every single day. In the words of my (then) 4-year old son when asked by an aunt whether he looked like his Mama or Daddy, 'Neither, I look like myself because I am me'.

I have graphic hallucinations of standing on top of the world. But just the thought of it leaves me feeling nauseated. And besides, reaching the zenith can only mean one day plummeting down the nadir.

Last Novemeber 2, a 12-year old girl hanged herself. She claims to have lost hope, from misery and poverty. Just a few days ago, a young boy (about 12 or 13) hanged himself after being scolded by his parents in front of their neighbors. I won't even name them in deference to the parents and siblings.

Truman Capote once said, 'The true reason why many people commit suicide is because they are cowards who prefer to murder themselves than murder their tormentor'.

As much I adore and idolize Mr. Capote, I think this one does not apply to children. No no no.

In place of publishing my widest dream, I bespeak great hope.

In memory of the 2 angels who took their own lives due to different circumstances, I will end this meme.

Simply because in a world such as this, in a place and setting such as now, dreams can sometimes prove futile. Dreams have a tremendous weakness, they can always be shattered. In the absence of that dream, I offer a prayer for their souls. And with that prayer, a plea for a world to share the same idealistic hope.

Kismet

I used to be a sucker for horoscopes and astrology. Now, I find that it's a hit-or-miss thing. Anyways, I was tagged for this meme by my favorite winsome blagista, Melai, by an inspriring scribe, Rolando, by the enchanting fairy, Sparky, and by Pinoy Biker, Rino. As much as I love memes, there are times I have to be quite wary as I always end up saying more than I should.

Well, here are the rules:
- Pick your birth month.
- Bold the 5-10 that best apply to you.
- Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months.
- Tag 12 people from your friends list.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.


JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

I'm admittedly stubborn, hence I'm not tagging 12 people. A quarter of that number, maybe. Fine, make that half. Or seven perhaps. Since I am not kind nor sympathetic, I'm only tagging those who I think appreciate memes. Since I am not one who tends to bottle up feelings, I may as well broadcast that I am PMSing and am in a very, very crappy mood. Now, I must shut up because I must control myself when criticizing.

Since I am very choosy, here's my pre-selected 7.

Canuck Chick (We probably do live in parallel worlds ;)
Annita (You are such a wonderful mom. I wish I had as much patience and discipline as you have:)
Ghee (You truly are one hot momma, and P.S. we probably share the same menstrual cycle :)
Leena (I'm working on the meme I owe you, I'll be posting that next ;)
Elay (Coz' you're so fly ;)
Julie (Yes, I want to know ;)
J.D. (Well, you are the only thorn among these magnificent roses lol ;)

If you've received this tag already, that's perfectly fine. If you haven't, by all means I want to know when your birthdays are. Cheers!

The Gut-Spilling Torch

I've managed to spill my guts quite a number of times already. And just when I thought I've spilled enough, I was passed this gut-spilling torch by Canuck Chick (Thanks again girl ;). With much pleasure, I obliged. Since my sister has been complaining that my recent posts are thronged with statements (read: super long), I decided to add photos just to make them a teensy bit interesting. Without further ado, here's another gut-spilling post.

8 Things I'm Passionate About:
(in no particular order)
1. Hope, Faith, and Gratitude 2. Simulated flight
3. Randomness4. Unconditional love5. GeneticsYeah, I'm the bald little kid in the middle.

6. My Platoon in which I'm (nature-appointed) Platoon Commander.
Coco, Memai, moi, Tiff, Telly, Richard (taken just yesterday during Telly's birthday bash)
Meet my 3 best gals, Telly A.K.A. ECLAVU (who's finally 2 months preggers YAY!!!), Memai A.K.A. CHAKANESS, moi A.K.A. CHEVERLOO, Tiff A.K.A. CHUVANESS. 7. My 2 little angels8. My soulmate, best friend & lover, all rolled into one big hunk
8 Things (yet again) I'm Passionate About:
(I added this category since the ones I've mentioned earlier were priceless. These are my gulity pleasures. After all, I'm a mere mortal. Flawed, imperfect, wanting........ and materialistic at that, lol.......)
(in no particular order)

1. Wakeboarding 2. Designer bags Balenciaga, YSL, LV's......................all genuine, all mine..................

3. Chocolates
4. Cheesecake
5. Pokemon

6. Writing/ Journalizing/ Blogging (it consumes way too much of my time)

7. Books/ Reading

8. Diamonds & bling bling

8 Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

1. Help mold my children's character according to the Supreme Being's plan(s)

2. Travel on a whim

3. Perform a base jump off KL Tower in Malaysia
4. Go on an African honeymoon safari

5. Join a triathlon

6. Read every single novel, essay, screenplay, and story by Truman Capote
7. Get published

8. Secret! haha......

8 Things I Often Say:

(in this order)

1. Shit!
2. F***!
3. Chaka
4. Chuva
5. Chenes
6. Tarush
7. Bongga
8. Charing

8 Songs I Can Listen To Over & Over Again:

(according to my Ipod's 'top 25 most played')
1. Please Don't Turn Me On - Artful Dodge
2. Impacto - Daddy Yankee ft. Fergie
3. With Or Without You - Keane
4. Hate That I Love You - Rihanna ft. Ne-Yo
5. Breakin' Dishes - Rihanna
6. Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind
7. D'Sound - Tattooed On My Mind
8. There She Goes - The Cranberries

8 Things That Attract Me To My Best Friends:

1. Allegiance

2. Uberrima Fides

3. Brainpower

4. Trustworhtiness

5. Trustworthiness

6. Trustworthiness

7. Trustworthines

8. Trustworthiness

In the tradition of torch passing. I turn this over to 2 of my favorite lady bloggers, the winsome blagista, Melai, and the always in flight, Elay. I know you have a lot of tags to work on so if it's too much, just pick a category. I leave it entirely up to you. Spill your guts!

Of Sex Scandals & Pinays

I could go on 'tagging' people for the next 2 weeks but I'm a teensy bit scared of looking like a stalker as I'd probably be tagging the same set of folks. That said, I'll probabaly resume my 'stalking' in the coming days.

I've managed to be in a festive mood this past week because of all the wondefrul blessings in the form of wonderful acquaintances, heartwarming comments, and surprising memes. Today though, I'll let loose the inner bitch in me.

In light of the recent 'Pinay Scandals', I've pledged (a few days ago) to write something in support of the campaign spearheaded by some fellow Pinoy bloggers. It's been 3 days and I still honestly don't know what to say.

I'm not skeptical about the whole thing, heck I even signed up for it. But come to think of it, it's all a matter of perception.

First off, people who 'google' the words 'Pinay Scandal' over the net are looking for the exact same thing. Pinays. Scandals. Obscenities. To put it bluntly, SEX. I even googled the word 'Pinay', and a website promoting exotic and young Pinays and Asians was the first of 3,350,000 results.

In this day and age, when a 6 year old (maybe even younger) has internet access and even a monkey can be taught to operate a computer, what control do we have over other people's perceptions about us?

I once wrote an article in support (and to straighten a few misconceptions) of a foreigner's view of the Philippines. He was bashed for sharing his impressions and sentiments regarding our beloved country hence I offered my take. Now, after almost 3 moths in blogosphere, I've learned to lighten up. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. No one should be immune to that.

We've already entered the digital age. And along with all the advancements, there will always be drawbacks. To some people, the internet is a huge part of their business or craft. There are a lot of people making a living out of it. To others, it is a diversion from life's trivialities. But to a number of people, THIS is their reality. Maybe even their whole life if you will.

As long as there are people willing to sell themselves through their pictures, sex videos, and by joining sex chats, there will always be predators willing to foot the bill. I cannot even call the former 'prey' as there are sometimes 'willing victims'. Don't get me wrong here, I'm talking strictly of consenting adults. Minors and young children are another issue.

I was asked in one of the blog communities what the word 'Pinay' meant since my blog is aptly described 'Chronicles of A Pinay Dreamer'. I answered 'I am a Filipina. I was born and bred in the Philippines'. Whenever we travel outside the country, I'm frequently asked about my race. Some think I'm Korean, some would ask if I'm part Chinese, others ask if I'm Thai. My father is part Chinese hence my 'Chinese eyes', but even then I've always considered myself 100% Filipino. A full-blooded Pinay. And I sure am proud of it.

My husband does not like the idea of me having my portrait on my blog. He says it'll strip me of mystery and to a certain degree, privacy. It was my choice to do so simply because I wish to seem more 'humane', somewhat tangible. I can post photoshop(ed) images of myself and edit it make myself look 'perfect', but that would be a misinterpretaion, an utter lie. Instead, I chose to share my battle scars because I am, after all, a mere mortal. Flawed, imperfect, and wanting.

I've been devoid of sleep since I started my blog a little less than 3 months ago. I've even turned down Joel's offer to bring me to Batangas (plus he'll foot the bill too lol) to wakeboard, quite a number of times already. And to top it all off, I'm not even getting paid to do this BUT it is my choice to go on. In all honesty, I prefer 'pro bono' blogging to maintain my uncompromisable predisposition.

At the end of the day, it all boils down to choice. I've used this passage before but I'd gladly use it again.

Ad libitum.
A plaisir.
A piacere.

At will.
At pleasure.
At discretion.

In the same way that I can choose my path, there will be others who can and will choose theirs. Matters such as these transcend race, religon, age, even gender.

Perception is also subjective. Your reputation may be established, even fabricated by somebody else. But in the end, your character is something you build up for yourself.

This, after all, is the internet. Where genuine people are rare. Where (cyber) sex comes cheap and easy. Where the imaginary is confused with reality. And where everyone is free to do or say as they please.

That said, I'm going back to the real world (for a while). Where politicians are corrupt. Where war is cliche. Where AIDS and cancer have no known cure. And where 2 little angels are tugging at my shirt as they ask for their dinner.

A Tribute To Amazing Bloggers

I've been sitting on a number of memes for quite sometime now and just as (I thought) I'm about to use them up, they spawn anew. I'm not even being a prima donna about the whole thing, in fact it's the other way around. Regardless of how dismal or ballistic my current mood is, my happiness index skyrockets whenever I get tagged for memes. I merely take my time as I appraise its appropriateness.

A few days ago Joel asked me why I continue to blog. He's predominantly concerned as I've managed to shed even more weight sans dieting and exercise. I do not receive monetary gain for my blog. I can even say it's a form of divestiture on my part because of the time it consumes.

Like I said, I relish small guerdons. Whether it be a comment or a meme, to me, they are surprising tokens of gratitude.

I received this one from Zang who, for some reason, claims I'm among his chosen few who have made an impact on his blogging life.

In the spirit of gratitude, I'd like to share the badge with bloggers who have remarkably made an impact on mine. I know I've probably tagged most of them a couple of times already and I'm not even sure if they've received this but they are my chosen few. To

Melai
Jon
J.D.
DW
Rino
Lord Manila Stone

Grab it along with my eternal gratitude and my humblest benediction.

Memes such as these are probably something a non-blogger would never understand. But being my soulmate, seeing me break into a smile is more than enough justification for him. I'm one hell of a lucky woman.

7 Things You Don't Know But I Do

I'm (usually) never at a loss for words. Whether in a conversation, debate, even in soliloquy, I consider myself (modesty aside) loquacious. This matter though, gave me quite a headache.

I was tagged for this meme by fellow blogger Jon. I'm supposed to spill 7 things you don't know about myself.

If you've been bored, demented, diligent, and/or masochistic, and have managed to go through my posts, I'm sure by now you know my age, surname, height, weight, heck even my waistline. You're also probably aware that aside from my 2 boys who are my own flesh and blood, I have a baby girl who does not belong to our species, homo sapiens. You probably know how many tattoos and piercings I have (although I'm quite certain you have no idea where they are lol). That my heart belongs to a hunk named Joel. That I have a major crush on Gerard Butler. That I used to suffer from an eating disorder. That I am a feminist. That I have quite a number of battle scars. That I am a condescending bitch, more so when provoked or aggravated. That I am an addict. And so on and so forth. Whew. Was there even anything I left out???

Having said that, what on earth could I possibly tell you that you don't already know. After nearly 5 days of racking my brain trying to come up with the answers, here they are:

1. I spent more than 10 hours in labor with my eldest. Since my water broke in my sleep, labor was induced as soon as we got to the hospital. It did not progress so a C-section was in order. Same thing with my second child. Yet no matter how traumatizing childbirth has been for me, I'd probably go through with it again. In two or three years perhaps..........

2. I can read upside down, left side right, right side left, overturned, upturned, inverted. Sometimes I place a book in front of a mirror and read that way. I don't even know why I do that, so don't ask me. That's probably why my eyesight is seriously f***ed up.

3. I'm obssessed with reptiles of all shapes and sizes. I'm especially partial to snakes. Which explains why I'm a doting mother to Sedira. I personally tidy up her domicile, I change her water regularly, and I occasionally play with her. I cannot, however, feed her. I abhor rodents, rats in particular. Since my baby girl eats them, I ask Joel to do the honor. After which, I wait 2 days till I play with her again just to make sure she's digested her prey. Bad momma.

4. I'm quite good at remembering faces and names. I can even remember full names of my classmates from kindergarten. I'm very bad with dates though. I can't remember birthdays of friends, even close relatives no matter how much i try to recall it. Even my own wedding anniversary, Joel has to remind me :(

5. I barely get to sleep but when I do, my mouth stays open (yaiks). I'm asleep so I'm evidently unconscious, right? Consequently, Joel has quite a number of pics as evidence to prove this occurence lol...........

6. During my freshman and sophomore year in high school, I remember desperately wanting to become a nun (I was in all-girls Catholic school, so that explains it). My parents laughed so hard and thought I was joking. As with all my siblings and relatives did when they found out. In hindsight, it was a good thing nobody took me seriously. I would've probably been kicked out of the convent in less than a week.

7. I'm allergic to a lot of things. Smoke (I was diagnosed with asthma when I was 27), oranges (esp. the local calamansi), goat meat, and certain types of alcohol (I can only tolerate red wine and coffee liqueur).


Whew. There Jon, we're even. But that doesn't stop me from tagging you again in the future lol............

So here's to

Mae, whose Sinigang is ever so delectably palatable.
Rhyan, whose Rhyan dot Net is ever so widely diverse.
Buraot, whose Literary Ek-Ek is ever so incomprehensibly mysterious.
PinoySkull, whose Buhay Sysad is ever so giftedly geeky.
Elay, whose Flygirl is ever so fabulously fly.
Javier, whose Go, Blog! is ever so brilliantly techie.
Xerendipity, whose Obnoxious Queer is ever so obnoxiously queer.
And last, but most definitely not least,
Lyka, whose Las Tres Estrellas is ever so bonggaciously bonngganess evah.


Well, what are your dirty little secrets? Do tell...............

Guerdon: Be The Blog

In the two and half months of my blog's existence in blogosphere, I never cease to be amazed at how much I get to learn every single day. In that amount of time, I consider myself fortunate enough to have chanced upon some very genuine people. THAT is probably my greatest reward.

Touching comments and heartfelt expressions are also big bonuses. Being tagged for memes, that's another reward. I was bloghopping yesterday when I chance upon my name 'tagged' with this honor. I was tagged by Piko A.K.A Wonder Mum with this meme



In turn, I pass this on to fellow bloggers who have in one way or another 'moved' me

J.D. Beaudoin
Canuck Chick
Gale
Lord Manila Stone
Ghee
A2Z

You can go to 'Me and My Drum' and take your pick from 3 cool badges. Now it's your turn. Be the blog.........


P.S. Thanks again for this wonderful suprise Piko. You are such a darling.

P.P.S. I've been 'hair-obsessed' these past few days and am now facing a huge backlog. I have 3 more memes to pass on this coming week so watch out peeps ;) YOU could be next..............

Shiver Me Timbers: Drastic Measures (Part Two)

No, I did not shave myself bald a la Britney. I merely had a haircut. It's just a bunch of dead cells, right? So what's the big f***ing deal? Why so overly dramatic? With much preamble, here's the explication.

I'm pretty much a self-proclaimed daredevil. I've always been adventurous, even reckless to a degree. I'm very much into extreme sports. I have 2 tattoos and 4 piercings. I even once squished horse manure with my bare hands on a dare. I'm that deranged.

I'm pretty much up for (almost) anything except when it comes to my locks. It's the length I'm quite anal about. I've always believed that a woman's hair can be her crowning glory or the bane of her existence. Over the years, I've been a brunette, redhead, even (near) blonde. I sometimes have it dyed jet black, and at one point, dark blue.

For nearly two decades though, I've managed to keep it at a certain length. The shortest being up to my armpits, and the longest, waist length. In the early 90's, when Demi Moore (in Ghost) made it uber cool to sport short hair, I wanted to be 'in' and get the same cut. I begged my mother to allow me to have my lock sheared. Her response being, 'If you seriously want your face to look like a huge siopao (steamed bun), by all means get that haircut'. I never asked again.

I couldn't possibly blame her as I was then extremely overweight. She would've been right. I considered keeping it long in homage of her as she has worn hers for nearly her entire life.

Since Rihanna came out with her 'Umbrella' music video many months back, Joel has been constantly bugging me to duplicate the cut. To please him, I went to the salon and just when the stylist was about to shear them, I changed my mind and got a coloring instead. To his dismay, I went home a (near) blonde. A few weeks later, I asked a sister to tag along for moral support. She ended up getting a makeover. Another few weeks pass, and with the intention of having it done (this time), I'm at it again. I went home with a Brazilian (if you have no idea what that is, then goood for you lol). Last week, Joel escorted me. Still, my hair remained untouched.

So why do it now when practically everyone, from Rihanna to Posh, Katie Holmes, even (our local) La Greta is sporting the same cut? I'm certain that by time you get to this part, you'd have no doubt that it wasn't a frivolous decision.

I was really upset the day I wrote Hyperspeed. I even considered putting an end to my blog. For some reason, the ghost of an ex-alter ego that I thought I've managed to exorcise over the past decade reappears on my site. Just when I thought I've mastered the art of forgiving and forgetting, I turned acerbic as 'it' managed to leave me a message.

I felt rage (just that honey, don't flatter yourself) as the memories resurface. Harry & Joan Mier once said, There are times when forgetting can be just as important as remembering - and even more difficult. So true.

In doing something I never thought I'd be willing to do, I was able to vanquish my negativity. Seeing a part of me cut off was like crushing those lousy sensations.

Only now can I truly say that I did hit the mark with my exorcising. And I feel so much lighter too.In hindsight, I know I did it for myself and nobody else.

Shiver Me Timbers: Drastic Measures (Part One)

Hair is vitally personal to children. They weep vigorously when it is cut for the first time; no matter how it grows, bushy, straight or curly, they feel they are being shorn of a part of their personality.
Charles Chaplin


Yes, they are mine.......

12.5 inches to be precise........

No, I have not gone bonkers........

My exegesis in due time.........

Alter Egos

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.

Anais Nin


Among the determinants I've noticed that has made me aware I've turned automaton is that everyday (sans an alarm) I'm up at 3 in the morning (my internal clock is seriously messed up, I know). Being the hormonal bitch that I am, there are days I feel like putting an end to my blogging nonsense. Presently, blogging serves as my primary creative outlet although I constantly question myself until when I'd be willing to do this.

As much as I try to focus my attention on my 3 boys, I find myself so preoocupied with blogging. But one thing I'm quite certain of is that my career as a wife and mother is my top priority and it is something I'd happily endure for as long as I live.

Writing? Definitely. Maybe not through my blog as I still manage to update my journal but with absolute certainty, something I'd continue until the day I cease to exist.

Wakeboarding? Well, since I feel I've reached mid-life, if and when I do reach the age of 60, I'd still want to carve wakes no matter how wrinkled, saggy, or creepy I'd look by then. Mark my words haha.

Blogging? Hmmmm........ I really don't know. Every single day I find myself with a different answer so I'd have to get back to you on that.

As I was saying (I've strayed far from topic lol), this particular morning I received a pleasant, unexpected suprise (translation: another reason to recommence). A 'tag' from one of my inspirations, Rino.

Rino is a pro biker, whilst I, on the other hand, am not one to mount anything with 2 wheels. So what do we have in common that I've considered him an inspiration? First, we share a deep passion for our chosen sport. Second, a genuine concern and conscious effort to protect the environment. Lastly, we are both full-blooded Pinoys. Again, my heartfelt thanks for passing me a friendship badge.

Since I am not a woman of few words, instead of the usual 'tag', I'm stating why I considered them such. Also, there has to be something we have in common. Without further ado, here they are.......

Jon. I'm not even sure if you've already been 'tagged' but I'm quite certain you'll get 'tagged' a lot. You are such a blessing. Your words and photographs convey much love, faith, and hope, entities that our world is in desperate need of right now. Thank you for counting me as your hero. You are my hero as well. And I do hope you continue with your work for as long as you can as it will never be quite the same without you in the blogging world, as in the real one.

Melai. Yes I am fully aware you were tagged by Rino as well. But being among the most genuine bloggers I know, you are also the very first 'blagista' (your term, pahiram muna lol) I came into contact with. Thank you for being a constant reader, a wonderful advisor, and an avid commenter. I know that doing such eats up a lot of time so I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you've done.

Jason. The real tests of courage are not restricted in the battlefield. Knowing what you've been through, I know you are a living example of true courage. Thank you for your trust and confidence in me.

Julie. Your youthfulness is such a blessing. Thank you for the frequent visits and all your wonderful comments. I really appreciate it.

And to the new friends I'm starting to get to know,
Leena,
Liudmila,
Nessa,
Lizeth,
Nick,
Frogster, and
Rolando.

Thank you, thank you, thank you..........

Hyperspeed

A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
Unknown

The internet is probably one of technology's greatest wonders. With just one click you can find just about anything. You can even google just about anyone with various search engines. And in a matter of seconds, find whatever or whomever it is you're looking for.

Before I started my blog, I only surfed the net for maybe 30 minutes to an hour a day tops. The only sites I frequented were Yahoo (to check my emails), and Eluxury (for purse shopping lol). Now, I spend most of my waking hours in front of a computer and am practically devoid of sleep.

Esther Dyson once said, 'The internet is like alcohol in some sense. It accentuates what you would do anyway. If you want to be a loner, you can be more alone. If you want to connect, it makes it easier to connect'.

I used to wakeboard (especially during the summer) up to 4 times a week. I only skipped wakeboarding for a few months to pay for my Balenciagas. Now that I'm finally free from my self-imposed purse ban, I find myself with a new addiction. I used to jump with glee everytime we would go to Batangas or Tagaytay. Now, Joel sometimes has to drag me to go there. He says he loves seeing me far from a computer. At home, I'm lucky to get more than 3 hours of shut-eye. Far from a PC, I stay in slumberland for 13 hours straight.

I've mentioned in a previous post that among the reasons I started this blog is to reach out to family and friends. One of the consolations being finding a very dear, long, lost bud (Hey Filip, see you in a month :) ).

Of late, I did sign up for a multiply account for my dear friend Filip as Flickr is blocked from the country (or building) she's in right now. Beyond that, I am quite satisfied with my blog and my photo host.

I do not have a friendster account. Joel signed up only recently. I, however, do not wish to ever have one. No matter how open I seem to be, there are still parts of my life I wish to keep private.

There are some people whom I wish to forget. Like my former English teacher in high school (whom I seriously wish were obsolete) who stole my essay, and without my consent gave it to another student and used it to enter an oratorical competition. I only found out after the announcement that they won and the piece was recited onstage (may the rot in inferno).

I may not have had the perfect childhood but one feeling I could distinctly reminisce is the feeling of innocence. There were no cellphones and text messaging was literally unheard of, but I felt but I felt much more connected. YM and chatting were (probably) inexistent, yet I then felt much more sheltered.

The internet has made life so much faster, at hyperspeed, if you ask me.

To a certain degree, maybe it is a form of anarchy. There are no rules here. There is practically no authority. No way of screening or filtering. In this world, censorship is a defect. To a point, chaos.

Among my favorite bible quotes (which I think I've quoted twice over) is from Matthew 16: 26, "And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but to lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?"

In the end, you really have to ask yourself, 'Is it really worth it?'.

Only when I find an unimpeachable justification, then I'll get back to you.

Mastering The Art of Falling

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
Confucius

Mistakes are the usual bridge between inexperience and wisdom.
Phyllis Thoroux, Night Lights

When I was 17, I thought I knew everything. I felt as though I could conquer the world. Needless to say, I ended up making sooooooo many mistakes.

Now that I'm 30, I have to concede to naivete. The older I get, the more I realize that I know absolutely nothing. Early midlife perhaps.........

I often say that I have absolutely no regrets. I stand by my word. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Most of which (if not all), I've already paid for.

When I tore my MCL (grade II MCL tear) more than 2 years ago, I was advised by my Orthopedic Surgeon not to play (absolutely no physical exertion, just light stretching) for a whole month. To an athlete, that's almost like a death sentence. Being the stubborn ass that I am, I disobeyed doctor's orders (I was participating in a competition in less than a month so I felt I had to prepare), and went on ripping kickers and sliders as soon as I felt better. In 2 weeks, the pain went back to haunt me. The good Doc told me that my MCL would never be restored to its original tip top form since I didn't give it enough time to heal. To this day, I'm still paying for that mistake. At least now I know better. Mistakes make the best teachers, dont you think???

Mistakes, once realized, sometimes reward us the end. Had I not made a huge mistake with my ex, I probably wouldn't have met my husband. You get the picture.

My Dad always tells me that a problem well stated is a problem half solved. How do you come up with 2 if you can't state 1 + 1? Makes perfect sense, right???

But what if the problem is quite evident yet you still refuse to accept it's there? How do you solve something you refuse to even acknowledge? Do you honestly think ignoring it will make it go away?

In wakeboarding, even the best of the best (just watch the X Games) suffer the most bitter wipeouts. In the game of life, no one is really spared from problems. Everyone is bound to make mistakes. Falling is inevitable. No exceptions.

The best anyone can do is prepare (for the worst), and hope (for the best). Praying helps a lot too.

I should really start minding my own business tsk tsk..............

Saccharine Sweet Alibi

3 days, zero post......

Here's my alibi...........

Friday was my son's PTC, it was home study day as well, therefore my weekend started quite early. Better yet, allow my paparazzo to illustrate...............

I spent the entire weekend with my kiddielets............
Well, almost........Yeah, I'm the teeny tiny dot with the red helmet............... I soooooo look like my Dad in this photo.........Hope you all had a saccharine sweet weekend as well :)

An Open Letter to a Dear Fellow Blogger

John dear,

I once told you that I wrote Highly Evolved Defense Mechanisms for a reason. I think it's about time I told you.

I reached a point where I wanted to stop writing. I've managed to burn myself out in such a short time. I started questioning my motives, and whether I should still go on.

I started blogging for personal reasons, some maybe even selfish motives. One of which was for my family and friends to at least get a glimpse of another side of me that they don't get to see. They're under the impression that I'm nothing more than a spoiled brat. I wanted to prove them otherwise.

I used to heckle them to visit my blog and read my posts just so they'd get a chance to know me a little better. Apparently no one is interested. So far, of the 30+ people I've hounded, only my dear aunt, Tita Loi, has managed to read every single post (I suppose, as she's the only person who manages to send me feedback on whatever nonsensical article I have written). My Dad, maybe about half. And my Mom, whom I love so dearly, not a single post. 'I do not have time', she once said. And I never asked again. Ever.

My husband, he's the only living soul who can see right through me. He doesn't have to, yet he has managed to read every single detail, and still manages to give me a pat on the back no matter how much dirty laundry I air out. I'm one lucky girl, I know.

I received criticism (more like an insensitive, mocking jest if you ask me) from a friend(???) who blurted out verbatim, "Ikaw ba talaga yon? Sigurado kang ikaw ang sumulat non? Talaga bang nagsusulat ka? Baka naman kinopya mo lang yun." Translation, "Is that really you? Did you really write that? Do you really know how to write? You probably copied it somewhere."

Soliloquizing, I said, Duh? Is my face not plastered enough on my site? Can you not hear me talking right behind you as you read my bitchy ramblings? I may be a klutz and am utterly devoid of gifts in singing and dancing but I'm quite sure THE SUPREME BEING made up for it through my way with words.

Since I lacked the kahunas to say it bluntly, I said nothing and wrote Random Questions Answered.

I haven't heard from her since and I really don't mind if I never hear from her again.

After that, I somehow felt blogging was such a thankless job. Heaven knows how much my adsense revenues total. And trust me, it cannot buy me an hour's ticket for wakeboarding. I felt that blogging was such a burden. It ate up a lot of my time, even stripping me of much needed sleep.

To me, the ultimate compensation for my sleepless nights is just one genuine notice. I do not even care for compliments, I'm never good at receiveing them. Just one authentic holler can make my day. I do not think it's vanity.

You left a comment (on my recent post) yesterday, and I chance upon your recent article, I cannot help but sense a slough of despond.

You're probably wondering why I chose to go on.

It was a simple tag from another blogger, Melai, that gave me inspiration to go on. It was the feeling that somehow, I've managed to touch a soul no matter how insignificant I felt at the time.

So I ask you, with questions which were envisioned by yourself..........
'How do you see yourself? As a free spirit? Do you recognize the goodness in you that others do? Is there something extraordinary about you that you do not recognize as extraordinary? Is there a chance that your life is more wonderful than the way you currently see it? What does that mean to you?'

I may not know you well but allow me to answer for you. John, you are an inspiration. You are a free spirit. Your good nature shines through in your articles and your photos. Your kindness and wisdom, a blessing.

I wish you well.

Ivy

P.S. You still owe me that tag :)

The Fine Art of Conversation

I have this uncanny habit of soliloquizing. Although i don't think there's anything wrong with it, my husband thinks it's a bizarre practice.

I think it's probably my ADD. But seriously, there is a lack of fairly good conversationalists nowadays. The truly great ones, well, extinct.

I, for one, am not. I talk fast, really fast. To which my 8-year old would object, "No Mama, hyperfast".

Gone are the days of Cicero, Julius Caesar, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Abraham Lincoln. Modern day orators, politicians in particular, rely heavily on speechwriters.

I avoid the news at all cost but since my husband is a current events nut, seeing and hearing it is inevitable. I feel lika an a** everytime we watch televised senate inquiries. Take Senator J****** for example, he can ask intelligent questions - prepared ones, that is. Obviously not by him as I rarely hear a good follow up. As for impromptu, expect a 'no questions, your honor' reply.

A good conversationalist should be intelligent. Not necessarily scholastic, but smart and canny to a certain degree.

A good conversationalist, I suppose, should also be a good listener. After all, a conversation is a form of exchange. Oprah, in this case, is a virtuosa.

Wit, I think, is also a prerequisite. Jay Leno is a master of this fine art. Through his queries (and by the answer he gets) you can sense whether he's conversing with a genius, a nutcase, or a complete and utter dimwit.

A conversation is a discourse. It is not a monologue or a soliloquy.

So why the heck am I still here???

I really have to go now. I have a monologue to wrap up.

Unduly Extended Weekend

Actions have consequences.......

Too much of a good thing is baaaddd tsk tsk.......

ACTION: (Excessive) Reading
CONSEQUENCE: Asthenopia (eye strain), headaches

ACTION: (Overmuch) PlayingCONSEQUENCE: Muscle soreness

ACTION: (Over) EatingCONSEQUENCE: heartburn, constipation, indigestion

ACTION: Self-indulgenceCONSEQUENCE: Paparazzo shots

LESSONS LEARNED:
1. Observe proper reading habits.
2. Too much exercise can make you susceptible to ilinesses.
3. Everything in moderation.

TO DO THIS WEEK:
1. Get enough sleep.
2. Go on a 7-day fast.
3. Plan.

Denouncing Suffrage

The first time I voted was in 1998. It was also the last.

The voting precint is right next to where we live so I don't think it's an inconvenience.

Sloth is a sin I don't think I've ever been guilty of. Just take a look at the number of posts I did in the last 2 months and I assure you, you cannot accuse me of being lazy.

So why, oh why, denounce a right that so many suffragettes fought for???

Philippine politics, in my humble opinion, is in a state of decadence. Sheer and utter decay. Public service turned into self service. What should be a noble profession is merely a business transaction.

Let me start with the candidates. Take your pick - celebrities, ex-matinee idols, ex-burlesque queens, boxers, retired basketball players, and my favorite category - the next of kin - the husband, the son, the daughter, the son-in-law, the daughter-in-law, heck even the grandchild of the incumbent want their share of power. Kamag-anak Inc. There is only a handful of sincere candidates out there (less than 10, IMO).

Don't get me started on Pork Barrel. I've already written something on it on my The Philippines Through the Eyes of A Filipina post. In case you didn't read it, I'll say it again. The Pork Barrel A.K.A. Countrywide Development Fund (CDF) A.K.A. Priority Development Assistance Fund (PDAF) are funds given to members of the Senate and Congress. These are discretionary in nature so it is up to the senator or congressman to identify the projects that will be funded from these funds. Correct me if I'm wrong, senators get a whopping P 200 million (about $4.65 million USD) each, while the congressmen are allotted about P 70 million (about $1.62 million USD) each. Sheesh, I'm starting to sound like a broken record. So where, oh where does all the money go??? oink oink oink. Let me just give you an example, or better yet, I'll show you.................

Congressmen (esp. women) love building waiting sheds and plant boxes........Pardon my ignorance, but THAT, to me, looks more like a rubbish bin............. Again, I'm really, really ignorant, but..............

Hair & Makeup + Diamond earrings + Color Separation + Tarpaulin printing > GI pipes + scraps of plywoodIs it because it's way cheaper than building schools or spending on infrastructure??? Even if I add the cost of these monstrosities, I mean waiting sheds, I do not think this is worth millions in taxpayer's money............

Potholes galore.........Why not at least spend on that???
Just asking...........

What about the squatters in Metro Manila??? This happens to be right behind a huge goverment facility, and I'm not telling where.............. Did you notice the huge service drop??? Did you also notice that there is NOT A SINGLE ELECTRIC METER???!!!! No wonder our electirc bills continue to sky rocket............

Principles, my dears. Something I think every person should have, only a handful have, and (almost, I'm not saying all) no politician thinks he needs...............

Ramblings of A Hormonal Bitch

Or is it raving lunatic??? Or perimenstrual wretch??? You decide.......

Ramblings, at random.......

When I first started wakeboarding nearly 4 years ago, words I could use to describe the scene were 'tranquil', 'serene', and 'a place of solitude'. Now it seems more like a carnival. I do not, will not, and/or won't ever haul my fat ass 185 kilometers (one way) and waste precious gasoline to simply watch artistas, intyendes.........

I was skimming through a primer on women's rights when I stumbled upon an injustice, I mean injunction. Apparently (in my beloved country), if a woman is charged with adultery, she gets a 6-year jail sentence BUT if a man is caught keeping a mistress, he gets to face a maximum term of only 4 years. What the f***! We have so many women in congress right now, what the heck are they doing??? Their nails???

Can anybody tell me the male equivalent of the word 'bitch'? I can't seem to find any..........