Pinoy Text Messaging

Yesterday, as I was checking my cell, I was amazed to find 782 messages in my Inbox alone. I browsed through them and I got to read only about 40 and I'm reminded why I couldn't delete them in the first place.

Since the birth of the modern cellphone, text messaging has been an integral part of Pinoy culture. The Philippines was the first in Asia to use text messaging. We even hold the most number of text messages sent all across the globe. You'd see people here texting while walking, eating, driving, in the theaters/ cinemas, in schools, in church (my pet peeve), practically just about anytime and anywhere.

I'm not an avid texter although I do receive a lot of text messages (on a daily basis) from my siblings, my titas, friends, especially from my dear cousin Louise A.K.A. Duday. Some of them religious, some gross, some really 'green' (if you know what I mean wink wink), some for special occasions, some just plain hilarious. And since I have hundreds to share, I'll start with just a few. I hope you understand basic text lingo. Here they are, well at least some of them.............

(Quotable Quotes)
Famous Quotes:
1. Better late than pregnant
2. Pag may tiyaga, gudluck
3. Aanhin pa ang damo, kung bato na ang uso
4. Pag binato ka ng bato, kawawa ka naman
5. Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa
6. Ang taong nagigipit, sa Bumbay kumakapit.
7. Cleanliness is nxt to 2 Godliness, Oiliness is nxt to blemishes
8. Kapag may isinuksok, may mabubuntis
9. Ang taong naglalakad ng matulin, pawisan
10. Pagkahaba haba man ng prusisyon, mauubusan din ng kandila

Modern Philosophies:
1. If ur father is poor, it's ur fate. If ur father-in-law is poor, it's ur stupidity
2. An apple a day is not an apple at night
3. When the cat is away, the mouse is alone
4. If others can do it, don't help
5. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
6. Love thy neighbor but don't get caught
7. Love is fotogenic. It needs darkness to develop
8. Ur future depends on ur dreams, so go to sleep
9. Children in backseats cause accidents, accidents in backseats cause children
10. Save water. Shower with partner.


(Para sa mga tomador)
10 UTOS SA PAG-INOM:
1. wag makulit habang umiinom
2. wag matakaw sa pulutan (hindi ito picnic)
3. wag patagalin ang baso (dahil may naghhntay)
4. wag inom lang ng inom (bumili ka rin)
5. uminom ng diretso sa tiyan (wag sa ulo)
6. magparamdam kng uuwi na (di ung bigla ka na lng mawawala)
7. magtabi ng pamasahe (para di ka maglakad pauwi ng bahay)
8. wag matutulog sa harap ng kainuman kung may tama o lasing na
9. cguraduhing sa bahay ang uwi kpag lasing na
10. sa kanal o sa inidoro sumuka (wag sa katabi)


(Para sa mga may LQ)
pag nagalit sa u
ang minamahal m
at ayaw 2migil
s kssumbat s u
wag ka magalit
wag ka sumabay
yakapin mo sya
@ ibulong sa kanya

"kulang ka n naman sa sex no?
Cge hubad na!"


(On Cartoon characters)
Cartoon characters that r bad influences to our kids:
1. Dora the Explorer (lakwachera)
2. Blue's Clues (mahilig magkalat)
3. Winnie the Pooh (lumalabas ng walang panty)
4. Spongebob (bobong tanga)
5. Kids next door (mga gagong bata)
6. Winx (malalanding ilusyonada)
7. Barney (baklang dinosaur)


(Movies)
Tagalog Translation 4 English Movies:
1. Black Hawk Down - ibong maitim s ibba
2. Dead Man's Chest - dodo ng patay
3. There's Something About Mary - May kwan sa ano ni Maria
4. Nightmare Before Christmas - Bangungot sa Noche Buena
5. Lord of the Rings - Ang Alahero
6. Employee of the Month - Ang Sipsip
7. The Fast & The Furious - Ang bitin, galit
8. Too fast, Too Furious - Pag sobrang bitin, sobrang galit
9. Snakes on a Plane - Nag-ahasan sa ere
10. Resident Evil - Ang Biyenan


(For those of you who are broke - this works haha)
problemado ka ba
at walang pera???
eto ang sagot dyan

Juz text:
NANAY_PENGE_PERA_AMOUNT_LAB U!


(Chinese names)
Newly Born Chinese names:
born secretly: TINA GO
born swindled: LINO CO
born alternately: SALLY TAN
born accused: MACY SY
born honest: UMA MING
born dark: ANDY LIM
born fat: LUCKY CHAN
born fatter: BOB UY
born evil: DAEMON YU
born flirt: ALAN DY
born smelly: KELLY KAY LEE
born different: EVA YAN
born incomplete: COLE ANG
born sick: HATCH CHENG
born cute: EDDY MI
haha


(Melanie Marquez jokes)
TOP 10 Melanie Marquez jokes:
1. I cudn't care a damn
2. What's ur next class before this?
3. Can u repeat that 4 the 2nd time around once more from the top?
4. Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay
5. Come, let's join us
6. I don't eat meat. I'm not a carnival
7. Don't touch me not
8. Hello? 4 a while. Pls hang yourself
9. Hello, my brother Joey is out of town. Wud u lyk 2 wait?
10. Don't judge my brother. He's not a book

Here's another:

A coñotic girl
spots Melanie Marquez and calls out,
"Hey,
Bitch!"
Melanie gets upset.
Enraged,
she yells back,
"Never,
ever,
EVER,
call me HEY!"


hahaha..............

The Ultimate Secret to Happiness

Do you want to know the ultimate secret to happiness???

Do you really want to know???

Really???

Really really???

Really really really???????


Sorry to burst your bubble but there isn't any.

Someone once said, "One is free when he knows how to keep in his own hands the power to decide, at each step, the course of his life."

Too deep? Allow me to give you a concrete example.

A few days ago, during my son's fair, while I was queued up for horror booth tickets, I hand over the rest of the tickets for the carnival rides over to my 8-year old son so as not to get confused as there were different tickets for the rides, parlor games, computer games, hoops game and the horror booth. Once we got our horror booth tickets, we rush over to the dragon wagon first as the horror booth won't be open till the next hour. While we were waiting, I ask my son where the tickets I handed him were. He insists he gave them to me when I distinctly remember giving it to him. I had 3 choices:

A.) Get upset and make a fuss over the incident after all those tickets were worth a few hundred bucks.

B.) Insist we go home as we don't have any more tickets for the rides.

C.) Forget the whole thing and get new tickets.

Can you guess which one I picked???

If you guessed A, you're wrong. Why would I do that? The sun was (still) shining and we had a blast with all the other rides.

If you guessed B, wrong again. We were waiting in line too long already and we want to ride, ride, ride some more.

If you guessed C, then you're right!!! Sorry, no prize for you. If you want, come over to our house, I'll give you yema haha. Kidding aside, why would I want to focus on what we just lost? I was thankful that I didn't lose any of the kids as there were a lot of people there and the kids were running around all the time. I was glad I didn't lose anything as I was carrying 2 backpacks, my purse, a ginormous paper bag, 2 cameras and a handycam. I was happy because while we were there screaming our lungs out during the rides, it did not rain even though the clouds were really thick (although sadly, it rained when we left).

In the end, I believe it's all about choice. I am happy because I choose to be happy. If I spent my time obssessing over the things I lose every single day, I'd always feel miserable. If I complained and whined over problems I have to face everyday, I'd be depressed, not to mention all the wrinkles that would show up on my face.

I may not be the richest, smartest, prettiest (well, to my 3 boys I am haha) but I do appreciate everything and everyone in my life. That doesn't mean I don't get upset. Believe me, I do and very often when I'm hormonal. But I try not to dwell on those feelings. I always try to find ways to cheer myself up. That's what I love about blogging, I get to rant about the things I don't like and rave about the things I do.

No one thing or one person can guarantee you happiness. It's all YOU. If there's one thing I've realized in my short life, it's that happiness lies not in the external world, but within one's soul.

I hope you find your happiness as well......................

On Sex & the City and Samantha-isms

I got to read Candace Bushnell's Sex and the City even before it was made for television by HBO in 1998. As for the copy, it was borrowed from me a few years back, I don't remember who, but whoever that was, nanawagan ako pakibalik haha. The book was based on Bushnell's writings for The New York Observer. Bushnell even mentions in interviews that Carrie Bradshaw is her alter ego (notice the intials CB) and her three best girlfriends, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha are actually an amalgamation of her real life friends. Although I was surprised when I saw SJP playing the part of Carrie, she did play the part seamlessly. So did Cynthia Nixon for Miranda Hobbes, Kristin Davis for Charlotte York, especially Kim Cattrall for Samantha Jones. Seriously though, I think SJP and Kim Cattrall should be given best actress awards for playing friends on TV when they were clashing in real life about a salary dispute. I was thrilled though when they announced that the movie will push through and is set to be released in May 2008.


I like Carrie for her intelligence, wit, and her fashion sensibility. I do like Samatha as well for her adventurous spirit. I took a test and I am a Carrie, even Joel insists I am. Although I seriously see myself as a cross between Carrie and Samantha. No, I don't sleep around. I just really like her carefree spirit and her liberal and uncensored views on sex and the opposite sex.

Anyhoo, here are a few Samantha-isms for the Samantha in you..............

ON WITHHOLDING SEX: "A guy could just as easily dump you if you f--- him on the first date as he can if you wait until the tenth."

ON PREMARITAL SEX: "Before you buy the car, you take it for a test drive."

ON UNDERSTANDING A MAN: "You can lay your pussy on a table right in front of one and still not know what he's thinking."

ON WHY SEX IN AN ILLICIT AFFAIR IS SO GOOD: "They design it that way."

ON BAD KISSERS: "If their tongue's just going to lay there, what do you think their d---'s gonna do."

ON WHAT DEFINES FRIENDSHIP: "I don't put my d--- in you."

ON POWER AND SEX: "The only place you control a man is in bed. If we perpetually gave men b--- jobs, we could run the world."

ON MARRIAGE: "Marriage doesn't guarantee a happy ending. Just an ending."

ON WHETHER SHE SWALLOWS: "Only when surprised."

haha......

P.S. Belated happy birthday to Ate Baby who celebrated her bday 2 days ago. Happy bday also to Tes and Cel. Blowout!!!

haha

Statutes for the Fashion(ably) Challenged

1. Sabi ni Kahli Gibran, 'Forget not that modesty is for a shield against the eye of the unclean'.
For a decent look, I find it's okay to pair spaghetti straps with jeans or capris. And for your minis or short shorts to look acceptable, with a nice shirt or a suitable polo.
Unless you're headed to the beach, don't pair micro minis or short shorts with spaghetti straps or vice versa, unless you want to attract mega attention, lalo na mula sa mga tambay sa kanto.
IMO, spaghetti straps + micro mini = uhaw sa atensyon (thirsty for attention)

Go minimal with your accessories. BUT, if those loud accessories are what you really fancy and you still insist on wearing those minis with your spag straps, here's the equation;
spag straps + micro mini + ginormous hoop earrings + heavy make-up = pokpok

2. If you're on the short side (ouch), you can get away with wearing shorts (properly matched of course) and not look like a prostitute to lengthen the look of your legs. Don't do the opposite by wearing something that falls right below your knee unless gusto mong magmukhang kabarkada ni Frodo, Sam, Merry at Pippin.

3. If you're on the heavy side (read: fat, flabby, mataba, mashuba, obesita, mabilbil, etc.), refrain from wearing uber tight fitting clothes unless you want to look like an embutido (large sausage).

Again, if you're on the heavy side, don't match those clothes with a wide belt.
tight clothing + wide belt = ebutidong may tali sa gitna

4. Do not patronize fake bags unless you want to help raise terrorists' funds. If you cannot afford designer, go to Mango, Zara, Debenhams or Nine West. There are so many great bags out there that aren't copies or fakes.

If you insist on doing so, at least keep it in your house, in your car, in your purse, I really don't f---'in care where, kahit saan basta itago mo. Do not make the mistake of walking past me in a mall, bump into me, stare me down and not say sorry. Talagang makakarinig ka sa akin gaga. If I have one more talent it's spotting a fake bag from a mile away. Yes honey, I can tell from the alignment, the vachetta, the hardware, the zippers, the lining, and yes, even the smell. I can even read datecodes. I do fakespotting (that's what I call it) in restaurants, malls, etc. with Joel. Ngayon, mas mabilis pa siya sa akin mag spot. I can tell that your damier speedy is a FAKE. Burn that in bag hell bwiset.

5. If, like me, you have toes that resemble ginger roots avoid those open-toed sandals or those cute gladiators unless you toes are neatly pedicured. Baka biglang mapagkamalang may naliligaw na pangsahog sa tinola sa mga paa mo.

6. People wear trench coats, anoraks, fur coats, ear muffs and gloves during the winter season. Tropical countries like the Philippines do not, I repeat, DO NOT have to endure the chills of winter since we only have 2 seasons, wet and dry.

Hallur, wala namang winter sa Pilipinas, bakit may nakikita akong nakaganyan dito.

Your Questions Answered

Here are my answers to some of the messages and emails I've received over the past week.......................

To AM, AD, MS, D, RDS.........Yes, I took ALL those pics in my motorcycle post myself. Some of which while driving. Bad, I know. Well, what am I to do, ang titigas ng mga ulo nila. You'd be surprised that 80% of those pics were taken within a 10 kilometer radius from where we live. Grabe noh. There are times Joel has to grab my camera away from me in fear of me being attacked or accused a paparazzo. Unless I specify a photo credit, the picture was taken by yours truly. Nga pala, the other day in Greenhills I saw a parked black Lincoln Navigator with plate number ---111, I know it belongs to an Estrada. While drooling, I was about to pull out my camera when Joel pulls me away from the very luxurious vehicle. Baka mapagkamalan daw akong paparazzo and/or stalker at huntingin ako bigla mwahaha..............

To MW..........As for my age, go figure..........Sinabi ko na ngang snake ako eh. If you want my mental age, then I'm 10. Although I'm always told I look like I'm 17 bwahahaha (kapal)...................

To RSI..............My pills seem to be doing the trick as my mood swings are gone (well, almost) and the dry spell is over haha. Joel sure is very, very happy wink wink.....................

To TTP & TJA............Thanks for the very nice emails you sent. Touched ako. I hope you get to read all my posts. I'm gonna dedicate a post I'm finishing to both of you, I just need a few more pics to complete it mwah mwah.................

Also pipol, please stop butchering my blog title and my blog address......................

My blog name is CHUVANESS......CHAKANESS......ECLAVU......
NOT chuvaneness,
NOT chuvachenes,
NOT chenenes..................
Why that name? It's a term of endearment my sisters and I have been using for the longest time, long before it even became as overused as it is now........................

My blog address is http://blackbaies.blogspot.com/
NOT blackbabies,
NOT blackbees,
NOT blackies..................
Why that blog address? Well,
blackmamba.blogspot was taken,
so was black_mamba
so was blackmamba007,
pati blackmamba7, blackwater, black_water, blackwater7, blackwater007,
dahil sa pagod na pagod na ako sa kaka re type, lumingon ako at VIOLA............
I see my favorite candle, staring at me from my side table, and because I love black and she's black.................the rest is history.

Although I still count myself lucky since black_mamba was still available for a username, so that I'm using now. BTW, baies (pronounced bays) is French for berries, just so you know...............

Clear???

P.S. Chizms itech, remember the woman in my plastic surgery post? Grabe, I saw a very recent picture of her in a mag, and not only are her boobs, nose, lips fake.... pati eyelids niya na rin.....she used to be pretty, now I think she's starting to look like a freak....... ewan ko lang kung alin pa.......Did you know there is such a thing as labiaplasty? It's the surgical reduction and reshaping of the labia................isip isip

Trout lips + Bisugo eyes + Silcone or saline jugs + phony nose = (photo credit: MSN.com)

In your quest to look young, baka lang magmukha kang nang ganito
bwahaha


babushka

Signs (Part Deux)

Most of which are taken right here in Metro Manila..........................


I used to say million billion because I didn't know what number came after 999 biilion, but I was in Kindergarten then...............Now I know that a number with 12 zeros is called trillion and with 15 zeros is a quadrillion, my 8-year old had to tell me that haha.........................

Alagaan means to nurture. I can do that with my children, my pets, my relationships, BUT my rubbish????????????? Why would I do that? Can't you think of a better slogan, like 'Basura ko, Sagot ko' OR 'Basura mo, Sagot mo' OR 'Itapon ang basura sa tamang lugar'...............

Chamomile or camomile, not camomille.................

I've heard of MATURE SKIN, but MATURED SKIN?????????? Ano, emotionally matured, spiritually matured or sexually matured........................



No, thank you. You can't even spell ENROLLMENT right.................

(to be continued.....................)

Erratum:
Thanks to my dear Tita Loi for the info.
Apparently 'enrolment' is also acceptable. But I'm still not bringing my kids there............

Tripping at Greenhills.............

Today, we had to go to Greenhills for a few errands.

For those who don't know how the newly renovated Greenhills look like now, here are a few shots..............

Of course come lunchtime, Joel & I were starving. He wanted to go to somewhere fancy. I, being the cheapskate that I am, showed him how much coupons we have amassed. Apparently if you use your credit card (for a certain amount) for your gasoline purchase, you get a free coupon where you get free Beef Misono from Tokyo Tokyo, the only catch is that you have to buy their Iced Tea. So off we went searching for the nearest Tokyo Tokyo to claim our free Beef Misonos. To our surprise, it was undergoing renovation. We head then to the nearest food court, and we find Pilo's Express. While waiting for our order, we chance upon 3 balikbayans, we assumed they were balikbayans since they seemed to be carrying tons of pasalubong. We had a blast listening to their conversation:


Girl 1: O saan tayo kakain? (O, where do we eat?)

Girl 2: Uuuuyyy, miss na miss ko na ang pagkaing Filipino, hanap tayo ng Filipino restaurant. (Uuuyyy, I miss Filipino food, let's look for Filipino restaurant)

Boy: O sige, ako din parang gusto ko Filipino food. (Okay, I'm in. I think I want to have Filipino food as well)

Girl 1: Doon tayo sa TOKYO TOKYO! (Let's go to TOKYO TOKYO!)


After they leave, Joel & I take one look at each other and we started laughing. Since when did TOKYO TOKYO serve Filipino dishes? Doesn't TOKYO TOKYO connote Japanese?


Any hoo, they ended up eating next to our table so we had to shush.

I then order dessert. Upon seeing this Joel says, "Ano ba yan, ayoko niyan, di ko type yan."

I take a few bites and leave the table to get some water. I was gone for about 7 minutes and when I get back,
Hay naku, inubusan pa 'ko.......

If you want to see more Greenhills pics, go to my flickr account.

If you don't want to, e di huwag.

If you don't know my flickr address, malas mo, bahala ka sa buhay mo............


mwahahaha..........

Me Oh, My Oh, on the Boombastic Plastics........

Plastic surgery is the new ecstasy, or at least to a number of privileged women. Botox, cheek implants, breast implants, rhinoplasty, chin augmentation, liposuction, name it, there is nothing your local plastic surgeon cannot do. I have nothing against plastic surgery. Heck, I'd probably go under the knife once I win the lottery or once I start choking wadloads of moolah mwhahaha.

Seriously though, I do like the idea if only for tha fact that it does help a lot of people, i.e. breast reconstruction for women who have had mastectomy, surgery for burn victims, cleft lip of cleft palate surgery, surgery for facial bone features as in traumatic injuries, to name a few. BUT, there are those who DO NOT need it in the first place but still go on. There are those who do not know when to stop. They already look as if they're ready for their place in the WAX MUSEUM mwahaha.

There are also those who deny they've ever had it even when mukha na silang bisugo sa kakapaopera. Take this actrees/ singer for example. In the 80's she used to have a small nose, in Tagalog pango. Then she dissapears from her show with then husband. She comes back a few weeks later with a much defined nose then she denies having anything done. End of story? NOT! In the early 2000s when she is already in her 30's, her breasts obviously get bigger, way bigger, say 2 cup sizes bigger. Still she denies having them done. Now, she has thick trout lips to match her ever blossoming bosoms. Still she insists she's a natural beauty. Who the heck is she trying to fool??? Herself siguro mwahaha. Unless you're a developing teenager, or undergoing HRT, your breasts will not grow any bigger au naturel after a cartain age. The breasts, jugs, boobs, mammary glands, bosoms, bumpers, suso, joga, dede, whatever you wish to call them are made up mostly of fat, so unless you are getting a bit flabby or you need HRT dahil nag me menopause ka na, hindi na lalaki pa ang kambal mo lalo habang tumatanda ka. I just don't buy it...............

Even when (notice when and not IF) I win the lottery, I'd refuse to go under the knife. Oh well, maybe a little nip/tuck when my ass stretches to gargantuan proportions, or maybe a tummy tuck when my fabulous 23 inch waist exceeds my 25 inch limit bwahahaha. Or maybe a face lift to erase the wrinkles forming on my forehead. Maybe a little restylane under my eyes. Better yet, ask me again in 10, maybe 5 years, when my breasts would probably start sagging and I'd start looking like a prune from having all those wrinkles mwahaha.................mali pala, huhuhu................


Hay naku Ibyang, ayan ka na naman.............

Batu bato sa langit, ang tamaan ay Luz Valdez mwahaha................

Me Oh, My Oh, on vertically challenged hunks (daw)..........

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I do not watch local television. No, I'm not trying to be unpatriotic at lalong hindi ako nagpapa sosi, it's just that I do not find it entertaining. Never have, never will, NEVAH! I've tried, many times over, but no matter how hard I try, if only for our Inang Bayan, talagang hindi ako na eentertain, hindi talaga! So stop asking me why kainis.

While channel surfing 2 days ago, I was reminded why I hated it in the first place. I see this former child star dancing on tv. As if that's not enough aba nag break dancing pa. He's doing it to promote his very own dance album. By the way, he's considered an up ang coming hunk. By whom, I have no idea, they probably have severe sight (or preference/taste) problems. According to Mr. Webster a hunk is a muscular, well-built man. How can you be called a hunk if you're a grown man and you measure less than 5'5"??? No matter how gwapo you are, I don't think so. Take me for example, at 5'1" I consider myself petite, in Tagalog, pandak, bansot. BUT, BUT, BUT, enter a woman's beauty arsenal - the high heel. Being petite, I own a lot of high-heeled shoes, the highest being more than 5 inches. So if I wear my heels around short guys mukha na akong matangkad baka mag abot pa ang height namin mwahaha. But the same standard does not apply to guys as the highest elevated/elevator shoes I know are about 2 inches only, well at least the natural looking ones. Stick to acting hijo. Please stop bombarding us with your so-called dancing hunks, they look more like swaying hobbits. Sama mo si Frodo Baggins at Samwise Gamgee para masaya mwahahaha.


Speaking of vertically challenged hunks(??!), what do women see in this noontime host??? He's not handsome, he's not even cute, ke liit liit pa niya. I saw him with his gang of alalays/friends/whoever thay are, in person sometime ago at Rustan's with my Nanay Cora, who wanted to run towards him and hug him. I was with my other siblings as well and we went running straight to the nearest escalator. Kidding aside, he's looks really nice and sweet, but pogi, no friggin' way. He has stringed so many women, most of whom are really, really gorgeous, and tall may I add. What is it that you see in him that we don't??? I'm sure it's not money either since he has also hooked up with moneyed women and besides I don't think he's that rich. Baka magaling??? Mag host, you dirty, dirty minds mwahaha.

Hay naku, all this blogging is bringing out the inner

in me. I have relinquished my throne (well, at least wearing this shirt) more than 2 years ago since I started believing in the law of attraction. All this blogging is unleashing her again. Or maybe it's just the hormones. For some reason, my pills don't seem to be doing the trick. I've been moody lately and I swear I have no libido. But heck no, I'm not being apologetic, I meant every word I said. If any of the people mentioned above get to read my post, don't you dare throw rocks at me, baka tamaan kayo ng heels ko mwahaha.

Pinoy Folk Illnesses

Like I said, two days ago was my day off. I had to catch up on a lot of things, reading, cleaning my boys' room, ours as well. That included catching up on my most dreaded household chore, ironing. Two hours, fourteen polo shirts, three khakis, five denim pants and more than a week's worth of my boys' school uniforms later, I took a long, warm bath. Yes, I took a bath immediately after ironing. I could almost hear my Nanay Cora saying 'Huwag na huwag ka maliligo pagkaplantsa, mapapasma ka' ('Don't bathe after ironing, or you'd get pasma').

I actually used to believe that. That is, until I started scouring through pages of health and medical guides, I wasn't able to find the medical term for it, not even an appropriate English equivalent. I may not be doctor but being a nerd does pay off. Filipinos have so many mythical beliefs, some funny, some absurd, some just plain ridiculous. Allow me to illustrate:


Pasma - They say after doing hard manual labor, i.e. ironing, drawing/ drafting, even long hours in the computer, you are not supposed to get your hands, sometimes even your whole body anywhere near water, otherwise you'd get this. They say pasma is characterized by excessive sweating of the palms and tremor-like shaking of the hands sometimes even pain.

This is a very useful ploy for getting off the hook when it comes to other chores like dishwashing or doing the laundry. Extremely useful to design students, ahem guilty, when I was in College, I'd use drawing as an excuse to not do the dishes. Same goes with my sister Roselle who would always use this as an excuse to exempt herself from every possible household chore there is hahaha. The award for 'Most Guilty' goes to Joel for using this ploy since high school, all throughout college, hanggang ngayon. Kidding aside, it's usually his mother who would tell all his sisters, 'o nag drawing si Joel, hindi yan pwede maghugas ng plato'. Thereby sparing him from washing the dishes, every single time hahaha..........

Pilay - Everytime someone gets fever and flu-like symptoms you'll be sure to hear this. The only pilay I know is a person with a limp. It's either fever or flu, stop calling it pilay.

Tigdas Hangin - Whenever my kids would have small rashes anywhere, with no fever-like symptoms whatsoever, I get to hear this 'tigdas hangin yan'. Tigdas is the local term for measles. E ano yung tigdas hangin??? Air measles haha

Lagnat Laki - Whenever I had sinat (when I was a kid), meaning fever with a temperature reading of less than 37.8 degrees, my lola would sometimes say 'lagnat laki lang yan'. I'd even be glad then to have that fever in hopes of getting taller. Alas, useless din, maliit pa rin ako huhuhu....................


Are there any other Filipino folk illnesses I missed??? Please remind me.........

Me Oh, My Oh, on Current Events.............

There are times when forgetting can be just as important as remembering. But to rewrite history is another story. I'm not hallucinating, Martial Law did happen! I may not have been born at the time, but one thing I'm sure of is that it happened. I may not have winessed it first hand, but I still remember seeing on reruns in black and white of the late ex-President Ferdinand Marcos saying 'I now declare Martial Law'. It's like saying the Holocaust never happened, or even World War I or World War II. Stop asking for history books to be rewritten bwiset.

Time may heal all wounds. But it cannot erase the scars left behind. The scars will probably remain to serve as reminders. Just ask all those people who were tortured, jailed, and whose human rights were violated between 1972 to 1981. Not to mention the ones who were brutally murdered, ewan ko kung paano niyo sila tatanungin. Ano ba naman kayo, para kayong hindi kapwa Filipino.

There is a world of difference between good sound reasons and reasons that sound good. Huwag niyo baluktutuin ang katwiran. I know you're all smart, kaya nga nandiyan kayo. But stop making fools of us all. We're not as stupid as you think we are.

This is why I avoid watching the news. Apparently an impossible task since Joel loves keeping abreast of current events. Ako ang na hi high blood. kainis

The Malu Fernandez Affair

We, Joel & I, were watching a news commentary on Malu Fernandez last night. I thought the issue long died when she resigned a couple of weeks ago but I was wrong. In case you've been living under a rock, she was the columnist who wrote derogatory comments on OFWs that came out in a lifestyle magazine a couple of weeks ago. One question struck me, who was victimized, Malu or the OFWs?


I feel for Malu Fernandez, not as a human being but as a writer. Having said that, I'm not coming to her defense either. Nor am I justifying what she has said. She has thrown a lot of deliberate insults and criticism.

I also feel for OFWs. Next to single mothers, I think they are among the greatest living heroes we have. I also feel somewhat disgusted because I have friends and family who are OFWs and they are far from what she describes in the article. They do deserve a lot more respect than what was given them.

I am a writer. Having said that, it is but natural for writers to inject a little sarcasm for humor's sake, heck I do it a lot. Although in her case, I think she went way overboard. But cut her some slack, she's also been ridiculed, mocked and threatened. More so because of her weight.

Voltaire once said that OPINION has caused more troubles on this little earth than plagues or earthquakes. I couldn't agree more.

But I believe that before an opinion can be conceived, one chooses to believe. And to believe is to choose. Choice is everybody's right. It is dignity. It is man's sense of value.

There is an old Latin saying,

Ad libitum.
A plaisir.
A piacere.

At will.
At pleasure.
At discretion.

Maybe it was her opinion. Maybe it was how she felt at the time. Maybe she meant it. Maybe she didn't. Maybe she's under HRT. Maybe she was hormonal (like I am haha) when she said all those things. But then again, we will never know because we aren't Malu Fernandez. It was her choice and she is suffering the consequences. A lot of hurtful things have been said. So please stop with all the bickering and move on...................

In the words of the great Alexander Pope, 'to err is human, to forgive divine'.

Besides, malapit na ng Pasko, charing.................

Dear Diary

Today, I'm a free woman. mwahaha. My kiddielets have been with their dear Tita Telly since yesterday, as today is home study day yehey. Joel is out on site. So technically, parang day off ko ngayon. I'm freeeeeeeee, free I tell you. No, dirty minds, not to drool over Gerard Butler's half-naked pics but to catch up on my cleaning, organizing, and reading. While rummaging through our bodega searching for staple wire, I chanced upon my old diary circa 1997. How time flies noh. Ten years ago my thoughts were predominantly on teenage crushes, love, love, love. Puro love (at ang ganda pa ng handwriting ko noon chuva). Among the things written there was a copy of questions once asked to Anthony Hopkins by GQ or Vanity Fair, see, it's been so long I can't even remember. I'm not a big fan of Sir Anthony Hopkins (I didn't even care what his answers were) what struck me was the was the type of questions asked. It's like a grown up autograph book. I've always believed that if you ask an intelligent question, you're bound to get a rational answer. Pag bopols yung tanong mo, e di bopols din ang sagot na makukuha mo, da va. Anyhoo, I was amazed because among the 28 questions which I answered 10 years ago (14 ata ako nun, ahem, liar liar pants on fire), half of my answers remain the same, and the other half has changed. And since ayaw niyo 'ko tanungin, ako magtatanong sa sarili ko. mwahaha

Moving on..........

What is your idea of perfect happiness? anytime I'm on top of my wakeboard haha

Which historical figure do you most identify with? Marie Antoinette

Which living person do you most admire? Oprah (hindi ko kilala); My mother & my Tita Loi (kakilala ko)

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? OCD & ADD

What is your favorite occupation? Motherhood

What is your most marked characteristic? Idiosyncratic behavior

Which talent would you most like to have? Singing and dancing hahaha

What or who is the greatest love of your life? JLA (who); wakeboarding and bags (what)

If you can change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My limbs, I want longer ones!

If you can change one thing about your family, what would it be? Secret!!!

Which words or phrases do you most overuse? chuva, chaka, shungak, eng eng

When and where were you happiest? 05.22.98/on the road somewhere along Manila

What do you dislike about your appearance? My limbs

Where would you like to live? Very near the beach

Who is your favorite hero of fiction? Holly Golighty (Breakfast at Tiffany's) & Cathy Ames (East of Eden)

Who are your heroes in real life? My mother

What is your most treasured possession? My diaries and scrapbooks

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? O.J. SIMPSON !!!!!!!

What is the quality you most like in a man? Masculine stillness

What is the quality you most like in a woman? Feminine strength

What are your favorite names? Joel, Jorel, Joshua

What do you consider your greatest achievement? Motherhood

What is your greatest fear? Heights

What is your greatest regret? Absolutely nothing!!!

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? Queen Rania Al-Abdullah (Person); falcon (animal)

How would you like to die? Painlessly!!!

What is your motto? If you cannot heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed.

The answers in purple and italic are the ones that have changed, the white ones are the same answers as 10 years ago.

How about you, how would you answer?

Pinoy Daredevils

When I wrote my post on Pinoy drivers a few days ago, I did not include motorcycle drivers for one simple reason - they have a league all their own.



A few months back, after a terrible accident where the back of Joel's pickup was whacked by a bus (he was on a halt due to a stoplight along C-5 when a speeding bus loses it's brakes and hits the rear of the vehicle, turning the pickup's body into an accordion and sending him to a hospital for a suspected whiplash injury) he wanted to try his hand at motorcycles (masochistic???) since the repair of his pickup would take at least 6 weeks. I was hesitant at first but when he was cleared of any injury and signed up for motorcycle safety lessons, I gave in. I was surprised to hear some of the basic safety guidelines since very few, if not none at all, are observed by motorcycle daredevils, I mean drivers in our country. Allow me to elucidate.

Headlights should be ON for additional visibility, even at daytime! This one I rarely see.

Body positioning is crucial. It is ideal that the passenger put his/her hands on the driver's waist. Waist, beywang. Not at the back, not at the chest, not anywhere else. It helps the driver balance the his weight, the motorcycle's, and the passenger's.

Take this for instance, this is the correct posture for the passenger.

Not this,Not this,
The motorcycle is designed for one person only. Inuulit ko, pang isang tao lang talaga yon. Although maybe due to economic reasons, they allow up to 2 passengers. I'm amazed that I can sometimes find 3, even 4 people in one motorcycle especially outside Metro Manila. Violators of this rule would sometimes bring their wife or GF with them, sometimes kids, friends, co-workers. Why not bring along your nanay, tatay, lolo, lola, sama mo na paty kapitbahay mo. Isukbit mo sa balikat mo para kumpleto na kayo. Heck, I don't know if the driver is suicidal and/ or homicidal.

Helmet, helmet, helmet. It is not a mere embellishment. It is a type of protective headgear. The primary goal being, to protect your stubborn head from impact.
For examplePakisuot mo ang helmet mo tatangMagpapakamatay ka na lang, nagsama ka pa O isa pa 'toA baseball cap does NOT qualify as protective headgear................. You're wearing it all wrong shungak Mas mabuti pa yung pasahero mo marunong mag helmetUse helmets that pass D.O.T. standards............
This is interesting, a policeman, in uniform, without a helmet. Tsk tsk tsk, alagad ka pa mandin ng batas

I SPY.... 2 violators........

TA DA........My biggest catch of the day. Two traffic enforcers without helmets, ang lalakas ng loob nyo manghuli, numero uno naman kayong violator!

Well, the happy ending is, Joel sold his 1-month old motorcycle. Mas masarap pa rin daw sa kotse. To quote my dear sis Roselle (o hayan, special mention ka) 'the difference between driving a motorcycle and driving a car.........in a motorcycle, you wrap yourself around metal.................in a car, you are enveloped in metal'

Hay naku, batu bato sa langit ang tamaan ay swangit ....................

Mornin'

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr..............

Sorry peeps, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. At times like this, there is only one prayer (my favorite) that can calm me................


The Serenity Prayer


God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And the Wisdom to know the difference.......

Amen.


Have a great day!

Economizing, My Way

Yes, I do own purses ranging from US$600 to $2,000.

No, I'm not rich nor did I marry rich.

No, I do not have debt, credit card debt, kahit anong debt, pinagkakautangan ng utang na loob, yun ang marami.

Let's just say I'm really good with numbers and I'm good at economizing. I may be able to splurge on certain things but I do scrimp (read: cheaposaurus) when it comes to other things. Let me illustrate.

Food - Forget pate de foie gras or creme brulee. I never fancied fine dining. Marunong akong magdildil ng asin. My husband is amazed at the fact that when I'm saving up for something, I can eat itlog na pula at kamatis for weeks on end. At kakayanin ko pa uli for my next conquest. mwahahaha

No parties, no bar hopping, no karaoke, no alcoholic drinks, no smoking - Well, I never liked attending parties, the only ones I attend are family events. I'm a homebody, so I don't leave the house unless I have to. I may love music, but I cannot sing to save my life, so I just listen, preferably at home. Alcohol, I'm allergic to the stuff. I've been hospitalized a couple of times, esp. in my teens for tasting tequila, rhum, brandy, and gin, separate occasions of course. It made my entire face swell, nagmumukha akong oso. I once tried to smoke, but it did taste kinda weird, parang lasang ashtray. Besides, I'm asthmatic and a mere whiff of smoke makes me reach for a nebulizer.

No wakeboarding for months - Wakeboarding is my droga of choice. I started in the summer of 2004, and on the average I used to go about 2 to 3 times a week. Competition season, about 4 times. That was last year. Ngayon, pahinga muna. A one-way trip to Lago is about 150 kilometers from our house. Imagine how much I've saved on petrol. Add to that the additional expenses for toll fees and food. Oooh, and the membership fees aren't cheap as well. It's been 7 long months and counting........ Malapit lapit na ako masiraan ng bait. huhuhuhu

Manicures and pedicures - Thanks to my nailbiting habit (since age 4) which I never was able to kick, I never needed manicures dahil lagi namang upod na upod ang mga kuko ko. Imagine how much you'll save from never having to get manicures or pedicures.

Note that the above picture shows only my fingernails, you don't wanna know how my toenails look like, nangamatay na silang lahat! mwahahaha

How about you, how do you economize???

P.S. Thanks very much for all your wonderful comments, I really appreciate it. However please leave them here on the comments page where I can save them. Para na sa save, nabubura kasi sa YM. Thanks y'all.

Happy Hearts Day

No, I didn't mean Valentine's Day. Sa February 14 pa yon shungak. I meant heart (disease) awareness day. Admittedly all the non-negotiables in my life, i.e. genetics, diet, exercise, and stress are waving huge red flags. My mother had bypass surgery at age 42, as nearly all her paternal relatives over 60 have. My paternal grandfather underwent bypass surgery some 2 or 3 years ago as well. My maternal grandfather passed away at 32 due to a massive heart attack. Diet, what diet??? I happen to love isaw and lechon kawali. I also have a sweet tooth, in fact I can gulp down 4 Krispy Kreme doughnuts in one sitting, and I'm not talking about the original glazed variety, I meant the New York cheesecake doughnut. As for exercise, the only time I get physical is when I wakeboard, and God knows how long that has been. Wait, does sex count? bwahahaha

So there are my odds. I'm no genetic lottery winner when it comes to healthy hearts. I consume massive amounts of pork, sugar and coffee, and I rarely exercise (if sex doesn't count that is, move over prudes). But no worries, I know I will have no need to start saving up for a future bypass operation. So how do I know, and how do I keep my heart healthy? Well, I believe in the law of attraction and I immerse myself in love love love. Also a little luho every now and then. So peeps, here's the top 5 list of my guilty pleasures.

Bags - my obssession de jour. I love bags especially designer ones. It started with LV, but now that I've outgrown logos, I remain loyal to Balenciaga and YSL (well, at least until I can afford Chanel and Hermes).









Sorry, no fakes here. Even when I was in my early 20's and I cannot (yet) afford designer, I never owned a fake. Never have, never will, and I mean nevah.

Pictures, pictures, pictures - visit my flickr site and everything will be self-explanatory.

Music - my teeny tiny nano's memory is FULL. Loaded with R&B, hip hop and rock & roll. If you chance upon a crazed woman driving a blue car, screaming her lungs out and dancing, that's probably just me. I would sometimes even borrow my husband's shuffle just for a taste of new wave and sappy love songs.

Books - as far back as I can remember, one of my biggest luhos. And I prefer hardbound, thank you.










Gerard Butler (King Leonidas in the movie 300) - just looking, staring, gazing, watching him..........harmless yun, mga bastos kayo, ang dudumi ng mga utak niyo, mwahaha

(photo credit: yahoo)
Haaaayyyy. I swear I hear my knickers drop and my heart go thump thump THUMP everytime I see him onscreen. Heck I don't even care if those abs were airbrushed. He's the second macho-est guy on my list (second only to Joel Pogi). Funny I never even liked muscular guys. My crushees in grade school and high school were the usual nerds and geeks. I never even liked basketball players or soccer players (at lalo namang ayaw nila sa akin mwahaha). When 300 was still in theaters, malls were bombarded with his posters. I would run towards his life size poster and touch his cardboard abs. Natural mente, my husband would be fuming mad and would refuse to talk to me for the rest of the day. It's a good thing he barely reads my posts kundi lagot ako at outside da kulambo na naman ako mamaya mwahahaha.

There goes my heart rate.

Well, what are your guilty pleasures???

Me Oh, My Oh

If you are a guy, and for some reason someone happens to call you a DORK, shouldn't you feel complimented??? After all, a dork is "a whale's penis". Then you must be one big, I mean lucky man. wink wink

Botox ba kamo??? Botulinum toxin. It can cause muscle paralysis, drooping eyelids, allergic reactions, inability to close the eyes, botulinum poisoning (it is a neurotoxin produced by bacteria after all), paralysis of the wrong muscle group, to name a few. I even once heard that it is the same type of bacteria found in a rat's testicles. Why the hell would you want the same bacteria from a rat's testicle injected into your face???

Will you stop calling it LIQUID PAPER! Liquid nga siya pero hindi siya paper. It's correction fluid, shungak.

Flavored water??? I like water simply because it tastes like, well, WATER. Zero calories, zero carbs, zero flavor. If I wanted my water flavored, then don't you think I'd rather get juice instead???



What do you think???

True Icons

When I was in high school , there was only one magazine for teenage girls like me (then), Teen Magazine. Now you can go to any bookstore or 7-11 and be in total disarray over which magazine to get. Take your pick, there is a vast assortment of mags to choose from, whether it be about fashion, lifestyle, travel, gadgets, sports, cooking, name it and there isn't any topic they don't have. What I see an abundance of is celebrity magazines. Yes, OK, Hello, even fashion mags are dominated by these celebrities. By celebrities I mean Bradgelina, Tomkat, David & Posh Becks, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Britney Spears. I've never been a fan of Brad, maybe only after seeing his behind in Troy, then it went kaput after he left Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie. Angelina, well she is a sight to behold and she does do a lot for the UN. Tom Cruise, I don't like him, never have, never will. The Beckhams are a groovy looking bunch although I don't dig the metrosexual hooplah of David and though Posh is quite a fashionista, hers is a kind of a hit-or-miss thing, she sometimes looks like Audrey Hepburn reincarnated or a total alien. And Paris, seriously, she can't act, she can't dance, she can't sing, all she has to show for is that infamous sex video. Mabuti nga at nakulong siya! Nicole, she loses half her bodyweight, denies an eating disorder, drives on the wrong side of the freeway, has tried cocaine, meth, and probably every synthetic drug there is, remind me agin why she is famous. Save for the fact that she was adopted by Lionel Richie, I really don't know why. And Britney, dear Britney. I still have a vivid picture in my head of your bald ________ head. I see London, I see France, I've seen more than your underpants! I keep forgetting you once sold 50 million albums.

It is said that who we venerate says a lot about who we are. Is this what the world is coming to? No wonder they feature anorexic and bulimic 5 to 7 year old kids on Oprah, Tyra and Dr. Phil. If these are the icons of our generation, then we can probably expect even younger kids to go on shooting sprees in campus. And that scares the hell out me, even more so for my children.

Well here's a short list of my idols:

Oprah Winfrey - not only is she the Queen of Talk, but also a media mogul, publisher, producer, actress, host, philanthropist, whew, did I miss anything? She, to me is something like the Dalai Lama for women. Whatever Divine plan or Grand Design God has, the woman gets it, she totally gets it. Talk about enlightened.

William H. Gates III, more popularly known as Bill Gates - Not only is he America's richest but one of the most philanthropic. And he does so with his wife Melinda. Although a Harvard dropout, I love that he has his own foundation that focuses on education, and the lack thereof.

Queen Rania Al-Abdullah of Jordan - Hands down and arguably the most beautiful woman on the planet. Married to royalty, she can probably spend all her days shopping, but heck no. She spearheads a lot of charities and many women's rights groups. She reminds me a lot of the late Princess Di. If I were to be reincarnated, oooohhhh how I'd wish to be her......Or at least look like her.

Warren Buffet - One of America's richest men (second to Gates in Forbes' list last year of America's richest), also one of the most philanthropic. He once vowed to donate a huge part of his fortune posthumously, but has started giving away massive sums, some of which to Gates' foundation. And no matter how much he manages to give away, he keeps earning more. Talk about The Secret...........

Did I mention everyone on my list is self-made? That alone speaks for itself.
So, who's on your list??? I do hope you choose well.

(photo credit: Wikipedia)

Statutes for Daily Living

1. Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.
Matthew 7:1-2

2. Homo sapiens is the species to which all modern human beings belong. We are all human, we belong to one species. Don't think for one minute you are inferior to the next guy. What are you, a primate?

3. Same goes for the opposite. Do not think you are superior to the next guy. You are not GOD.

4. Self-absorption can be so tacky. Stop proclaiming that the law was invented for the sole purpose of punishing you. If you haven't been breaking every single law there is, you probably won't be in that position to begin with. Laws have been in existence since 18th century B.C. maybe even longer, who knows. Look it up and stop breaking it you moron.

5. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.

6. Unless you want your 5-year old daughter to become a harlot, stop dressing her up like one.

7. Oh, and yeah, Spongebob is definitely gay.

8. Ignore this list.

Things That I'm Grateful For

I first heard of 'The Secret' from my husband about 4 months ago after he heard his crush-in-denial Karen Davila on the radio rave about it. Aba maganda siguro, masubukan nga at baka sakaling bumait na ako. The first time I read it, no impact, reminded me a lot of Dale Carnegie's 'How to win friends and influence people'. Then I see it featured on Oprah. Mabasa nga uli, baka sakaling umepek na. After bombarding myself with 'The Secret' i.e. reading the book thrice, watching the movie 4 times, and playing the audiobooks on my ipod almost everyday, I think I'm on my way to recovery, I mean enlightenment.

So here's a list of things that I'm grateful for:

My husband Joel, my soulmate and the love of my life. For the constant love, patience and understanding he showers me with.

My 2 boys, my little angels, who always have and always will be God's greatest gift to me and my husband. They are my constant reminder that life is indeed beautiful.

Our work, which gives us the opportunity to juggle our routines and spend a lot of time with our kids.

My family who always has and always will be there for me no matter what.

My in laws (mother-in-law, sisters-in-law) who have always been supportive and understanding in more ways than one.

My mother, for showing me through example the power of sheer willpower, determination, and strength.

My Tita Loi, for always being an epitome of poise, grace, and kindness.

Wakeboarding, for rocking my world and for the exhilarating highs, excitement and sheer bliss it has given me.

and the not-so-personal stuff:

President George W. Bush, for showing and reminding us all that war is really not the answer.

President Gloria Arroyo, for making me realize the at 5'1" I'm not that short after all.

Ex-President Joseph Estrada, for giving us third world folks a glimpse at a very luxurious life through his colossal mansions and by importing all those Escalades and Navigators.

Sen. Jinggoy Estrada, for saying on national television (after the verdict on his father's plunder case was given out) "ginawa nila yang batas para parusahan kami". It made me brush up on my history lessons, reminding me that the first set of laws were established in 1760 B.C. under the Code of Hammurabi. I thought for a moment I was dreaming and that until this century, laws were non-existent.

What about you, what do you have to be grateful for???

The Sub genuses of Filipino Traffic Violators este Drivers

If you are a Filipino driver, or if you at least drive on Phillipine soil on a daily basis then chances are you probably belong to one or more of these genres. Filipinos are very extreme drivers, they are either fast or slow, reckless or overly cautious, sharp or imperceptive. I'm usually on the road about a third to half of my waking hours hence I'm always aggravated, exasperated and/ or fuming mad. It's largely due to one or more factors namely: traffic, heat, MMDA, the pitiable state of our roads, and if you're a woman, PMS. So tell me, which one are you???


The Tailgater A.K.A. Tutok na tutok magmaneho

Probable causes:
OCD (Obssessive Compulsive Disorder) (singit ng singit)
Fear of getting left behind
an egotistical nature (swapang)
greed (ayaw magpasingit)

Demographic:
Public utility vehicles - 80%/ Private vehicles - 20%
Male - 80%/ Female - 20%

Most public utility drivers, if not all, belong in this category. Beware of the tailgater kung ayaw mo masundot.


The Serpent A.K.A. Parang ahas magmaneho, kaskasero/a

Probable causes:
ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
a choleric personality
diarrhea
genitourinary problems

Demographic:
PUV -80%/ Private - 20%
Male - 90%/ Female - 10%

Always in a rush, they are always dashing towards their destination. For some reason, their feet are magnetized by the gas pedal, hence most serpents are also speed freaks. Beware of the serpent unless you want your car to get bitten, I mean, damaged.


The Slowpoke A.K.A. pagkabagal bagal magmaneho, istorbo sa kalsada

Probable causes:
a phlegmatic personality
moderate to severe depression
old age

Demographic:
PUV - 20%/ Private - 80%
Male - 20%/ Female - 80%

Unlike the serpent, they drive at tortoiselike speeds. Avoid the serpent at all cost unless you want to miss an appointment by a full hour or two.


The Moron, Idiot, Imbecile, Birdbrain A.K.A. eng eng, engot, bopols, shungak

Probable causes:
ignorance
stupidity

Demographic:
PUV - 30%/ Private - 70%
Male - 20%/ Female - 80%

These are the clueless of the bunch. For some reason, they stop, look, and listen right smack in the middle of the highway or road. Other times, they are turning left on the next alley but are still on the extreme right of the road, or vise versa. My advice, I really have none as there is no known cure for ignorance nor stupidity.


The Newbie A.K.A. ang bagito

Probable causes:
Duh, bagito nga eh

Demographic:
PUV - 50%/ Private - 50%
male - 50%/ Female - 50%

Driving is a skill, practice more. Need I say more?


I'm admittedly a cross between a tailgater and a serpent. What can I do, I'm OC and I have ADD. kainis

So tell me peeps, which one are you??? Aminin

Gayspeak (Part Deux)

Here's more:

Winona Ryder - winner

Luz Valdes - loser

Shungak - bobo/ engot

Payatola - payat

Mashuba - mataba

Tom Jones - gutom

Dakota - malaki (ang alin?)

Makyora - mabantot/ mabaho

Gora na ako - alis na ako

babush

P.S. Salamat muli my fabulous kumareng Jan, Winona Ryder ka talaga........................

Super Tsuper: An Overview of Filipino Public Ultility Drivers

In a nutshell, here are some of the drivers you will encounter on Phillipine ground every single day:

Bus drivers - A.K.A. the self proclaimed kings of EDSA (mga hari ng EDSA)

They occupy half (if not more) of one of Manila's busiest highways. They speed, swerve, commit almost all traffic violations known to man, and have absolutely no inkling of driving etiquette. A friend was once in accident (thank God no one was hurt), after a bus hit his car from behind, note that this happened in EDSA. The bus had no insurance making his blood boil even more & to put it lightly he said, 'anak ng tinapay, kala mo may pambayad kayo kung makamaneho kayo, bibili ako ng aluminum na baseball bat at ihahampas ko sa windshield mo para quits na tayo!!!!' ('son of a gun(?), you drive as though you have the money to pay for damages, I'll get myself an aluminum baseball bat and smash your windshield, that way we'll be even!!!!')

Rule # 1: Don't use size to intimidate us (private vehicles), get down from there and let's settle this mano y mano.
Translation: Huwag mo kami daanin sa laki, bumaba ka diyan at magsuntukan na lang tayo.

Truck drivers - A.K.A. the kings of tailgating (mga tutok nang tutok)

They drive in almost the same fashion as bus drivers, only they dominate not just EDSA but major highways as well. As if that's not enough, they use the minor roads, even sidestreets as well. I traverse the Katipunan area almost everyday and I know for a fact that trucks are not allowed in some parts there, there's even a huge sign near the Ateneo u-turn saying 'NO TRUCKS ALLOWED' yet there they are always ready to send my blood pressure (and patience) to smithereens.

Another incident I remember is something that happened some time ago in Tacloban. A ginormous 20-foot trailer truck rams a tricycle for hire killing about 13 teenagers and injuring about a dozen more. Why? He was negotiating a sharp curve and lost control over his brakes. Another incident I remember is that of a 20-wheeler truck loaded with sand (?), he left their base knowing full well that he had no brakes. That involved about 4 (or 5?) more vehicles, one of which was a motorcycle on which the driver was instantly killed. Will you please be a little more cautious. Please.

Rule # 2: Always check your brakes. If you have a deathwish, don't drag us with you.
Translation: Bago kayo lumarga, inspeksyunin niyo muna ang preno niyo. Kung may balak kayo magpakamatay, huwag niyo kami idamay.

Jeepney drivers and Taxi drivers - A.K.A. the road bullies (mga siga ng kalsada)

They have a few things in common with the former and the latter, one being they are avid traffic violators and two, they don't care for driving etiquette nor defensive driving. They stop by to load and unload passengers just about anywhere, the sidewalk, middle of the road, heck even right smack in the middle of an intersection.

A major news program featured jeepney drivers and their knowledge (or nonexistence thereof) of basic traffic signs.
Showing a YIELD sign, the reporter asks, 'manaong, alam mo ba 'to?'
'bawal tumawid?'
'hindi ho, YIELD ito, alam niyo ba yung YIELD?'
'ah, no U-turn.'
See what I mean.

Rule # 3 (?): How on earth were you able to secure a driver's license in the first place? I shall run for president and IF I win the first thing I'll do is revoke all your licenses. Hmph.
Translation: Namputsa naman, papaano ba kayo nakakuha ng lisensya? Kakandidato akong presidente at pag nanalo ako babawian ko kayong lahat ng lisensya. Hmph.

Tricycle drivers - A.K.A. the street rodents (mga peste ng kalsada)

They dominate the streets of Manila, what's worse they set up terminals everywhere, near parking slots, near the road, right smack in the side walk. Just like jeepney drivers, their knowledge of driving is about as devoid as the conscience of most government officials. They are mostly young, i.e. fresh from high school, dakilang tambay sa kanto. Therefore they are constantly thirsty for alcohol, always drunk, and proud of it. They're usually around (to terrorize the streets) all day and all night.

Rule # 4: Don't drink and drive. You'll end up dead and go to hell.
Translation: Huwag iinom ng alak at magmaneho. Mamatay ka na diretso ka pa sa impyerno.

Batu bato sa langit ang tamaan ay pangit. mwahahahahaha

tiennes lang

(photo credit for jeepney pic: Wikipedia)

Filipinos: The Good, The Bad, & The Chaka

Allow me to start with the good.

Bayanihan. I love the fact that the word has no english equivalent making it distinctively Filipino. I once thought that the concept died long ago along with chivalry. I was proven wrong some 2 years ago when I was driving (with my 2 kids in tow) along a narrow alley when my car's front tire got stuck in a deep and wide manhole. The only way out was for the front part of the car to be lifted. I called my husband but he was about 2 hours away from our location. I was terrified as it was getting dark and the area was infested by squatters adding paranoia that we might (a) get mugged, (b) get carjacked, or (c) my kids could get kidnapped. Two men approached and offered help, a tricycle driver stopped by to help, and three tambays stood up from their drinking session to help as well. In no time, the six men were able to lift the front part of the car. I offered each of them a small sum for their help but to my surprise, none of them accepted. I call it a random act of kindness. God bless them.

Filipinos truly are beautiful people, inside and out. We once went to ________ and the only women I noticed were those clad in Prada, not neccesarily for their beauty. Even in _______, the transvestites and transexuals are prettier than their women. Walk by anywhere in Manila and you'll always find a pretty face, cloaked in Prada or otherwise. tarush

Filipinos are one happy bunch. We are very optimistic. Filipinos are among the happiest people in the planet and we have the lowest suicide rate in the world. Living in a third world country doesn't seem to matter. Heck, first world countries have the highest divorce and suicide rates. 'Ang saya saya di ba'.

Now for the bad and the chaka.

Traffic. MMDA. Only in the Philippines are there no clear traffic monitoring schemes. No clear traffic guidelines. If you're driving a private vehicle traversing EDSA and for some reason you cross the yellow lane, you'll surely be apprehended. And yet buses, taxis, FX(s), jeeps swerve and cut all they want and then happily and proudly get away with it. Heck, I once saw a bus driving along Monumento, then take Samson Road where buses are not allowed, the driver opens his window and tosses a 20-peso bill to the MMDA standing by. He then happily passes without objection. And you still expect me not to beat the red light?

Politicians. Trapos. Politicos. Cabinet members. Customs officials. BIR officials. Political wannabees. Pulis patolas. Actors, actresses, boxers, and basketball players with no credentials whatsoever desperately pushing their luck into penetrating the political arena. We have the most number of elections and the most number of elected officials. Politics should focus on public service not self-service. Anak ng pulitiko. Need I say more?

Graft & corruption. This goes hand in hand with above mentioned chakaness. Take the case of politicos pre-election, they drive around in a mid-sized sedan, a ginormous van, or a small SUV. Then post-election, they upgrade to a Lincoln Navigator, a Cadillac Escalade, or a GMC Suburban. Note though that they also also need an entire convoy for protection (or to look important). Throw in a Ferrari or a Lamborghini for the weekends, maybe even a Chrysler 300 for the misus, and a discreet Audi for the mistress. Don't even get me started on their luxurious houses, posh weekend homes, jewelry collection, heck even mistresses. Dare I contest the Forbes article proclaiming that we are in the top 10 rank in the world as most corrupt. We desrve first place. We were robbed, seriously.

Noontime variety shows. Not since the birth of cable television have I watched local tv. I cannot sit and watch fellow Filipinos, balikbayans, and tourists laugh like hyenas at contestants making big fools of themselves for a meager sum. No wonder we are mocked, pitied, ridiculed and caricatured by other races. I actually wanted to strangle the guy from the recent APEC summit who called our native barong a 'peasant outfit'. Excuse me, but who the hell do you think you are???!!! But then again, how can I blame him when that is exactly how Willie & co., whether they are aware of it or not (maybe even part of their gameplan), portray how Filipinos are in general. Kawawa naman tayo. tsk tsk

Overly dramatic telenovelas. As if we haven't had enough, we now have koreanovelas and chinonovelas. Morning, noon, late afternoon, primetime, late night, take your pick. I swear I lose I.Q. points by the minute when I see them. Don't we tire of the same plot over and over and over again? Isn't it insanity when we do the same thing over and over and over again then expect a different outcome everytime?

Too much complacency. 'Pwede na yan' ('That'll do') is something I hear quite often. Doesn't excellence matter? Can't we strive for something better, or better yet, the best? After all, people will treat us the way we expect to be treated, therefore if 'pwede na' is okay with us, that's exactly all we'll ever get. di ba?

Inferiority complex. Whilst other races suffer the opposite (i.e., superiority complex), Filipinos perceive and treat other races as superior, yet their own race inferior. If we Filipinos treat each other like 2nd class citizens, how can we expect first class, preferential treatment from others?

We can't say NO. Why do I need to come up with a reason or an excuse everytime I decline or reject something? The word NO should be a complete sentence. Don't you think so too?

I'm not trying to be negative, after all I am a Filipina and (super) proud of it. But what future awaits us when we continue to see ourselves as nothing more than doormats? Unless we manifest change amongst ourselves, amongst our leaders, within our nation, then my Dad is probably right in saying 'This country is going to the dogs'. There are times I want to give up hope, but having children gives me much optimism on a future generation far more confident and competitive than ours is. Although I constantly pray for change, I don't see it coming anytime soon.........................Or at least not in my lifetime. So pray, have faith, keep your hopes and chin up so that one day you can truly be proud to say 'Ako ay Filipino', and actually mean it.

Ako ay Filipina! Mabuhay ang mga Filipino!

Gayspeak (Part Un)

The Filipino language is so diverse in that there's Taglish, Engalog, even gayspeak. Heck even the straightest men I know use them on a daily basis. Here are a few common gay words which you'll find injected in everyday conversations:

Chuva - chika lang, kiyeme lang

Chaka/ Chaka Khan/ Kyora - pangit

Tomb Raider - lesbian

Jowa - lover

Papa - boyfriend

Wrangler - matanda

Mudra - mother

Korak/ Plangak - correct

By - gwapo/ pogi

Fabulous/ 'Ang taray ng lola mo' - maganda

Pilar Pilapil/ Pila Balde - mahaba ang pila

Smelanie Marquez - amuyin mo

Gibsung - give

(to be continued........)

P.S. Thanks to my fabulous kumareng Jan for helping me enrich my vocabulary (mwah mwah).........

Signs (Part Un)

Filipinos have an excellent command of the English language. Hence it is but natural that most of us may as well be Grammar nazis. On a recent trip to Bangkok, I chanced upon a myriad of grammatical blunders

At a hotel washroom........

For people who have a deathwish........
For those who want it sooner........

A game??? Fill in the blanks perhaps..........
I am aware that the brain is inside the skull which is inside the head, or is my knowledge of anatomy wrong all along?

My personal favorite........
Being a shopping mecca, there was a massive selection of shirts. Some hip, some cool, some ghastly, some unique, and then there's.........................

A shirt with an angel print: Look at me, I'm an ANGLE (huh??? right, obtuse, acute????)
A shirt with a cowgirl: TEXAX Girl

D & G: Dolce & Gabbaa

Black shirt with hot pink letters: BOLLSHIT

(to be continued.........)

Things to do in Bangkok

On a recent trip to Bangkok, I realized how much activities you can squeeze in a day....at least I had to, having only a full day to tour the city and a full day to do my shopping. I so love Bangkok, the diversity, the tiangges, the food (yum)............. Anyway, here's a list of some things you might want to do (or try) in case you get to visit the Land of elephants...............

Go on a Temple tour









Practice some yoga. Do some asanas.

Pardon me for murdering the Gaurakshasana pose, blame it on about a dozen tourists right in front of me, I can't concentrate...............

Seek the shade. The weather is very similar to ours, so expect scorching heat by midday.

Unless of course you wish to have fine lines, wrinkles, and look like a raisin by the time you hit your 40's.







Don't miss the elephant and crocodile show.















Who knows, you might even get a glimpse of your native flag. Mabuhay ang bansang Pilipinas.





Ride an elephant.



Or better yet, do it with a loved one. It's supposed to be romantic. ;-)wink wink




Ride a bare elephant.











But if and when you do, be ready. I was unprepared for this one as I was pulled from a crowd but I gladly obliged. However, I was unaware that Lumpy here was wet, hence my ass was saturated afterwards.

Feed an elephant.




It made me see how much facial muscles I have since I barely notice them when I frown.



Wrestle a croc.






Yeah right.

Seriously though, I miss Steve Irwin.



Go on a dinner cruise.





Request for VIP seats.

Pray though that it does not rain as you'll be here for the next 2 1/2 hours.



If all else fails,

Dance.








(Thai???)









(like an Egyptian perhaps.......)




Or in my case, TRY. Dancing is not of my strong points. I suck at it, obviously.

The Simplicities of Childhood

All of us are damaged during childhood........Parents almost always do the most damage................I heard these lines somewhere, not quite sure where though. Oprah. Dr. Phil. Really can't remember.

In fear of screwing up my own kids, I end up reading a lot of self help books, watching a lot of Oprah and attending parenting seminars everytime an opportunity presents itself. I had the privilege of attending a parenting seminar a couple of days ago. I was struck by one of the speakers, Fr. Rudy Fernandez, S.J., who said that "experience is not completed until it becomes a memory". So true. . . . . . Try as I might, I try to recollect happy childhood memories. . . . . . . . I think I have only about 5 . . . . . . . What if the memories I have of my childhood weren't as pleasant as I would like them to have been? Does that mean I had a terrible childhood? Or is it just hindsight, when many unhappy experiences have distorted the simplicities of childhood?

I know what you're thinking and the answer is NO, I was not a battered child. Nor was I abandoned. My parents are just passive. Really passive. As in, no bedtime stories, if you want one, read it yourself. If you want dinner, cook it yourself. I you get a booboo from playing outside, disinfect it yourself. If you want a pat on the back for doing something good, by all means, do it yourself. The only way to get any attention was to get into trouble, and that I did quite frequently.

Although I hate to admit it, we do end up adapting parenting styles used on us. No matter how we would always say the we will never do this, or I'll never be like her, or I'll never let that happen to my kid, we end up with almost the same pattern. How else would I know how to do it? My solution was to the opposite of what my parents did, i.e., spending almost all of my waking hours with them, even spoonfeeding them till age 8. So I end up on the other end of the spectrum and smother them which I don't think is good either.

I love my parents and I know that I have a lot to be thankful for despite their shortcomings. Maybe that's how they were raised in the first place. Maybe their experiences as kids weren't as pleasant either. Or maybe their memories weren't as lyrical as they would liked to have them to have been.

But one thing I know for sure, I was loved...............

Why Blog?

According to Technorati, there about 57 million blogs in existence, roughly 100,000 of which are created daily. So why blog? Why now? Well, I've only been introduced to the whole concept of blogging less than a year ago. Yeah, I know , quite late for someone born in the late 70's. Second, I had to give it a lot of thought, after all the idea of unmasking my thoughts on the net gave me shivers in the beginning, imagine sharing personal details of your life with people you don't know and will probably never meet. But nonetheless, I've always been more of a writer than a speaker, hence writing on a regular basis isn't an alien concept for me. Heck, I've even kept a journal for the most part of my life, details of which I'd rather keep to myself. Having said that, I believe in the power of the written word and to be able to share my thoughts would be a privilege. Unearned thoughts and pleasures. Most of which I'll be talking about in the next blogs to come........Although I still cannot believe I'm doing this.