Pinoy Text Messaging

Yesterday, as I was checking my cell, I was amazed to find 782 messages in my Inbox alone. I browsed through them and I got to read only about 40 and I'm reminded why I couldn't delete them in the first place.

Since the birth of the modern cellphone, text messaging has been an integral part of Pinoy culture. The Philippines was the first in Asia to use text messaging. We even hold the most number of text messages sent all across the globe. You'd see people here texting while walking, eating, driving, in the theaters/ cinemas, in schools, in church (my pet peeve), practically just about anytime and anywhere.

I'm not an avid texter although I do receive a lot of text messages (on a daily basis) from my siblings, my titas, friends, especially from my dear cousin Louise A.K.A. Duday. Some of them religious, some gross, some really 'green' (if you know what I mean wink wink), some for special occasions, some just plain hilarious. And since I have hundreds to share, I'll start with just a few. I hope you understand basic text lingo. Here they are, well at least some of them.............

(Quotable Quotes)
Famous Quotes:
1. Better late than pregnant
2. Pag may tiyaga, gudluck
3. Aanhin pa ang damo, kung bato na ang uso
4. Pag binato ka ng bato, kawawa ka naman
5. Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa
6. Ang taong nagigipit, sa Bumbay kumakapit.
7. Cleanliness is nxt to 2 Godliness, Oiliness is nxt to blemishes
8. Kapag may isinuksok, may mabubuntis
9. Ang taong naglalakad ng matulin, pawisan
10. Pagkahaba haba man ng prusisyon, mauubusan din ng kandila

Modern Philosophies:
1. If ur father is poor, it's ur fate. If ur father-in-law is poor, it's ur stupidity
2. An apple a day is not an apple at night
3. When the cat is away, the mouse is alone
4. If others can do it, don't help
5. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
6. Love thy neighbor but don't get caught
7. Love is fotogenic. It needs darkness to develop
8. Ur future depends on ur dreams, so go to sleep
9. Children in backseats cause accidents, accidents in backseats cause children
10. Save water. Shower with partner.


(Para sa mga tomador)
10 UTOS SA PAG-INOM:
1. wag makulit habang umiinom
2. wag matakaw sa pulutan (hindi ito picnic)
3. wag patagalin ang baso (dahil may naghhntay)
4. wag inom lang ng inom (bumili ka rin)
5. uminom ng diretso sa tiyan (wag sa ulo)
6. magparamdam kng uuwi na (di ung bigla ka na lng mawawala)
7. magtabi ng pamasahe (para di ka maglakad pauwi ng bahay)
8. wag matutulog sa harap ng kainuman kung may tama o lasing na
9. cguraduhing sa bahay ang uwi kpag lasing na
10. sa kanal o sa inidoro sumuka (wag sa katabi)


(Para sa mga may LQ)
pag nagalit sa u
ang minamahal m
at ayaw 2migil
s kssumbat s u
wag ka magalit
wag ka sumabay
yakapin mo sya
@ ibulong sa kanya

"kulang ka n naman sa sex no?
Cge hubad na!"


(On Cartoon characters)
Cartoon characters that r bad influences to our kids:
1. Dora the Explorer (lakwachera)
2. Blue's Clues (mahilig magkalat)
3. Winnie the Pooh (lumalabas ng walang panty)
4. Spongebob (bobong tanga)
5. Kids next door (mga gagong bata)
6. Winx (malalanding ilusyonada)
7. Barney (baklang dinosaur)


(Movies)
Tagalog Translation 4 English Movies:
1. Black Hawk Down - ibong maitim s ibba
2. Dead Man's Chest - dodo ng patay
3. There's Something About Mary - May kwan sa ano ni Maria
4. Nightmare Before Christmas - Bangungot sa Noche Buena
5. Lord of the Rings - Ang Alahero
6. Employee of the Month - Ang Sipsip
7. The Fast & The Furious - Ang bitin, galit
8. Too fast, Too Furious - Pag sobrang bitin, sobrang galit
9. Snakes on a Plane - Nag-ahasan sa ere
10. Resident Evil - Ang Biyenan


(For those of you who are broke - this works haha)
problemado ka ba
at walang pera???
eto ang sagot dyan

Juz text:
NANAY_PENGE_PERA_AMOUNT_LAB U!


(Chinese names)
Newly Born Chinese names:
born secretly: TINA GO
born swindled: LINO CO
born alternately: SALLY TAN
born accused: MACY SY
born honest: UMA MING
born dark: ANDY LIM
born fat: LUCKY CHAN
born fatter: BOB UY
born evil: DAEMON YU
born flirt: ALAN DY
born smelly: KELLY KAY LEE
born different: EVA YAN
born incomplete: COLE ANG
born sick: HATCH CHENG
born cute: EDDY MI
haha


(Melanie Marquez jokes)
TOP 10 Melanie Marquez jokes:
1. I cudn't care a damn
2. What's ur next class before this?
3. Can u repeat that 4 the 2nd time around once more from the top?
4. Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay
5. Come, let's join us
6. I don't eat meat. I'm not a carnival
7. Don't touch me not
8. Hello? 4 a while. Pls hang yourself
9. Hello, my brother Joey is out of town. Wud u lyk 2 wait?
10. Don't judge my brother. He's not a book

Here's another:

A coñotic girl
spots Melanie Marquez and calls out,
"Hey,
Bitch!"
Melanie gets upset.
Enraged,
she yells back,
"Never,
ever,
EVER,
call me HEY!"


hahaha..............

The Ultimate Secret to Happiness

Do you want to know the ultimate secret to happiness???

Do you really want to know???

Really???

Really really???

Really really really???????


Sorry to burst your bubble but there isn't any.

Someone once said, "One is free when he knows how to keep in his own hands the power to decide, at each step, the course of his life."

Too deep? Allow me to give you a concrete example.

A few days ago, during my son's fair, while I was queued up for horror booth tickets, I hand over the rest of the tickets for the carnival rides over to my 8-year old son so as not to get confused as there were different tickets for the rides, parlor games, computer games, hoops game and the horror booth. Once we got our horror booth tickets, we rush over to the dragon wagon first as the horror booth won't be open till the next hour. While we were waiting, I ask my son where the tickets I handed him were. He insists he gave them to me when I distinctly remember giving it to him. I had 3 choices:

A.) Get upset and make a fuss over the incident after all those tickets were worth a few hundred bucks.

B.) Insist we go home as we don't have any more tickets for the rides.

C.) Forget the whole thing and get new tickets.

Can you guess which one I picked???

If you guessed A, you're wrong. Why would I do that? The sun was (still) shining and we had a blast with all the other rides.

If you guessed B, wrong again. We were waiting in line too long already and we want to ride, ride, ride some more.

If you guessed C, then you're right!!! Sorry, no prize for you. If you want, come over to our house, I'll give you yema haha. Kidding aside, why would I want to focus on what we just lost? I was thankful that I didn't lose any of the kids as there were a lot of people there and the kids were running around all the time. I was glad I didn't lose anything as I was carrying 2 backpacks, my purse, a ginormous paper bag, 2 cameras and a handycam. I was happy because while we were there screaming our lungs out during the rides, it did not rain even though the clouds were really thick (although sadly, it rained when we left).

In the end, I believe it's all about choice. I am happy because I choose to be happy. If I spent my time obssessing over the things I lose every single day, I'd always feel miserable. If I complained and whined over problems I have to face everyday, I'd be depressed, not to mention all the wrinkles that would show up on my face.

I may not be the richest, smartest, prettiest (well, to my 3 boys I am haha) but I do appreciate everything and everyone in my life. That doesn't mean I don't get upset. Believe me, I do and very often when I'm hormonal. But I try not to dwell on those feelings. I always try to find ways to cheer myself up. That's what I love about blogging, I get to rant about the things I don't like and rave about the things I do.

No one thing or one person can guarantee you happiness. It's all YOU. If there's one thing I've realized in my short life, it's that happiness lies not in the external world, but within one's soul.

I hope you find your happiness as well......................

On Sex & the City and Samantha-isms

I got to read Candace Bushnell's Sex and the City even before it was made for television by HBO in 1998. As for the copy, it was borrowed from me a few years back, I don't remember who, but whoever that was, nanawagan ako pakibalik haha. The book was based on Bushnell's writings for The New York Observer. Bushnell even mentions in interviews that Carrie Bradshaw is her alter ego (notice the intials CB) and her three best girlfriends, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha are actually an amalgamation of her real life friends. Although I was surprised when I saw SJP playing the part of Carrie, she did play the part seamlessly. So did Cynthia Nixon for Miranda Hobbes, Kristin Davis for Charlotte York, especially Kim Cattrall for Samantha Jones. Seriously though, I think SJP and Kim Cattrall should be given best actress awards for playing friends on TV when they were clashing in real life about a salary dispute. I was thrilled though when they announced that the movie will push through and is set to be released in May 2008.


I like Carrie for her intelligence, wit, and her fashion sensibility. I do like Samatha as well for her adventurous spirit. I took a test and I am a Carrie, even Joel insists I am. Although I seriously see myself as a cross between Carrie and Samantha. No, I don't sleep around. I just really like her carefree spirit and her liberal and uncensored views on sex and the opposite sex.

Anyhoo, here are a few Samantha-isms for the Samantha in you..............

ON WITHHOLDING SEX: "A guy could just as easily dump you if you f--- him on the first date as he can if you wait until the tenth."

ON PREMARITAL SEX: "Before you buy the car, you take it for a test drive."

ON UNDERSTANDING A MAN: "You can lay your pussy on a table right in front of one and still not know what he's thinking."

ON WHY SEX IN AN ILLICIT AFFAIR IS SO GOOD: "They design it that way."

ON BAD KISSERS: "If their tongue's just going to lay there, what do you think their d---'s gonna do."

ON WHAT DEFINES FRIENDSHIP: "I don't put my d--- in you."

ON POWER AND SEX: "The only place you control a man is in bed. If we perpetually gave men b--- jobs, we could run the world."

ON MARRIAGE: "Marriage doesn't guarantee a happy ending. Just an ending."

ON WHETHER SHE SWALLOWS: "Only when surprised."

haha......

P.S. Belated happy birthday to Ate Baby who celebrated her bday 2 days ago. Happy bday also to Tes and Cel. Blowout!!!

haha

Statutes for the Fashion(ably) Challenged

1. Sabi ni Kahli Gibran, 'Forget not that modesty is for a shield against the eye of the unclean'.
For a decent look, I find it's okay to pair spaghetti straps with jeans or capris. And for your minis or short shorts to look acceptable, with a nice shirt or a suitable polo.
Unless you're headed to the beach, don't pair micro minis or short shorts with spaghetti straps or vice versa, unless you want to attract mega attention, lalo na mula sa mga tambay sa kanto.
IMO, spaghetti straps + micro mini = uhaw sa atensyon (thirsty for attention)

Go minimal with your accessories. BUT, if those loud accessories are what you really fancy and you still insist on wearing those minis with your spag straps, here's the equation;
spag straps + micro mini + ginormous hoop earrings + heavy make-up = pokpok

2. If you're on the short side (ouch), you can get away with wearing shorts (properly matched of course) and not look like a prostitute to lengthen the look of your legs. Don't do the opposite by wearing something that falls right below your knee unless gusto mong magmukhang kabarkada ni Frodo, Sam, Merry at Pippin.

3. If you're on the heavy side (read: fat, flabby, mataba, mashuba, obesita, mabilbil, etc.), refrain from wearing uber tight fitting clothes unless you want to look like an embutido (large sausage).

Again, if you're on the heavy side, don't match those clothes with a wide belt.
tight clothing + wide belt = ebutidong may tali sa gitna

4. Do not patronize fake bags unless you want to help raise terrorists' funds. If you cannot afford designer, go to Mango, Zara, Debenhams or Nine West. There are so many great bags out there that aren't copies or fakes.

If you insist on doing so, at least keep it in your house, in your car, in your purse, I really don't f---'in care where, kahit saan basta itago mo. Do not make the mistake of walking past me in a mall, bump into me, stare me down and not say sorry. Talagang makakarinig ka sa akin gaga. If I have one more talent it's spotting a fake bag from a mile away. Yes honey, I can tell from the alignment, the vachetta, the hardware, the zippers, the lining, and yes, even the smell. I can even read datecodes. I do fakespotting (that's what I call it) in restaurants, malls, etc. with Joel. Ngayon, mas mabilis pa siya sa akin mag spot. I can tell that your damier speedy is a FAKE. Burn that in bag hell bwiset.

5. If, like me, you have toes that resemble ginger roots avoid those open-toed sandals or those cute gladiators unless you toes are neatly pedicured. Baka biglang mapagkamalang may naliligaw na pangsahog sa tinola sa mga paa mo.

6. People wear trench coats, anoraks, fur coats, ear muffs and gloves during the winter season. Tropical countries like the Philippines do not, I repeat, DO NOT have to endure the chills of winter since we only have 2 seasons, wet and dry.

Hallur, wala namang winter sa Pilipinas, bakit may nakikita akong nakaganyan dito.

Your Questions Answered

Here are my answers to some of the messages and emails I've received over the past week.......................

To AM, AD, MS, D, RDS.........Yes, I took ALL those pics in my motorcycle post myself. Some of which while driving. Bad, I know. Well, what am I to do, ang titigas ng mga ulo nila. You'd be surprised that 80% of those pics were taken within a 10 kilometer radius from where we live. Grabe noh. There are times Joel has to grab my camera away from me in fear of me being attacked or accused a paparazzo. Unless I specify a photo credit, the picture was taken by yours truly. Nga pala, the other day in Greenhills I saw a parked black Lincoln Navigator with plate number ---111, I know it belongs to an Estrada. While drooling, I was about to pull out my camera when Joel pulls me away from the very luxurious vehicle. Baka mapagkamalan daw akong paparazzo and/or stalker at huntingin ako bigla mwahaha..............

To MW..........As for my age, go figure..........Sinabi ko na ngang snake ako eh. If you want my mental age, then I'm 10. Although I'm always told I look like I'm 17 bwahahaha (kapal)...................

To RSI..............My pills seem to be doing the trick as my mood swings are gone (well, almost) and the dry spell is over haha. Joel sure is very, very happy wink wink.....................

To TTP & TJA............Thanks for the very nice emails you sent. Touched ako. I hope you get to read all my posts. I'm gonna dedicate a post I'm finishing to both of you, I just need a few more pics to complete it mwah mwah.................

Also pipol, please stop butchering my blog title and my blog address......................

My blog name is CHUVANESS......CHAKANESS......ECLAVU......
NOT chuvaneness,
NOT chuvachenes,
NOT chenenes..................
Why that name? It's a term of endearment my sisters and I have been using for the longest time, long before it even became as overused as it is now........................

My blog address is http://blackbaies.blogspot.com/
NOT blackbabies,
NOT blackbees,
NOT blackies..................
Why that blog address? Well,
blackmamba.blogspot was taken,
so was black_mamba
so was blackmamba007,
pati blackmamba7, blackwater, black_water, blackwater7, blackwater007,
dahil sa pagod na pagod na ako sa kaka re type, lumingon ako at VIOLA............
I see my favorite candle, staring at me from my side table, and because I love black and she's black.................the rest is history.

Although I still count myself lucky since black_mamba was still available for a username, so that I'm using now. BTW, baies (pronounced bays) is French for berries, just so you know...............

Clear???

P.S. Chizms itech, remember the woman in my plastic surgery post? Grabe, I saw a very recent picture of her in a mag, and not only are her boobs, nose, lips fake.... pati eyelids niya na rin.....she used to be pretty, now I think she's starting to look like a freak....... ewan ko lang kung alin pa.......Did you know there is such a thing as labiaplasty? It's the surgical reduction and reshaping of the labia................isip isip

Trout lips + Bisugo eyes + Silcone or saline jugs + phony nose = (photo credit: MSN.com)

In your quest to look young, baka lang magmukha kang nang ganito
bwahaha


babushka

Signs (Part Deux)

Most of which are taken right here in Metro Manila..........................


I used to say million billion because I didn't know what number came after 999 biilion, but I was in Kindergarten then...............Now I know that a number with 12 zeros is called trillion and with 15 zeros is a quadrillion, my 8-year old had to tell me that haha.........................

Alagaan means to nurture. I can do that with my children, my pets, my relationships, BUT my rubbish????????????? Why would I do that? Can't you think of a better slogan, like 'Basura ko, Sagot ko' OR 'Basura mo, Sagot mo' OR 'Itapon ang basura sa tamang lugar'...............

Chamomile or camomile, not camomille.................

I've heard of MATURE SKIN, but MATURED SKIN?????????? Ano, emotionally matured, spiritually matured or sexually matured........................



No, thank you. You can't even spell ENROLLMENT right.................

(to be continued.....................)

Erratum:
Thanks to my dear Tita Loi for the info.
Apparently 'enrolment' is also acceptable. But I'm still not bringing my kids there............

Tripping at Greenhills.............

Today, we had to go to Greenhills for a few errands.

For those who don't know how the newly renovated Greenhills look like now, here are a few shots..............

Of course come lunchtime, Joel & I were starving. He wanted to go to somewhere fancy. I, being the cheapskate that I am, showed him how much coupons we have amassed. Apparently if you use your credit card (for a certain amount) for your gasoline purchase, you get a free coupon where you get free Beef Misono from Tokyo Tokyo, the only catch is that you have to buy their Iced Tea. So off we went searching for the nearest Tokyo Tokyo to claim our free Beef Misonos. To our surprise, it was undergoing renovation. We head then to the nearest food court, and we find Pilo's Express. While waiting for our order, we chance upon 3 balikbayans, we assumed they were balikbayans since they seemed to be carrying tons of pasalubong. We had a blast listening to their conversation:


Girl 1: O saan tayo kakain? (O, where do we eat?)

Girl 2: Uuuuyyy, miss na miss ko na ang pagkaing Filipino, hanap tayo ng Filipino restaurant. (Uuuyyy, I miss Filipino food, let's look for Filipino restaurant)

Boy: O sige, ako din parang gusto ko Filipino food. (Okay, I'm in. I think I want to have Filipino food as well)

Girl 1: Doon tayo sa TOKYO TOKYO! (Let's go to TOKYO TOKYO!)


After they leave, Joel & I take one look at each other and we started laughing. Since when did TOKYO TOKYO serve Filipino dishes? Doesn't TOKYO TOKYO connote Japanese?


Any hoo, they ended up eating next to our table so we had to shush.

I then order dessert. Upon seeing this Joel says, "Ano ba yan, ayoko niyan, di ko type yan."

I take a few bites and leave the table to get some water. I was gone for about 7 minutes and when I get back,
Hay naku, inubusan pa 'ko.......

If you want to see more Greenhills pics, go to my flickr account.

If you don't want to, e di huwag.

If you don't know my flickr address, malas mo, bahala ka sa buhay mo............


mwahahaha..........

Me Oh, My Oh, on the Boombastic Plastics........

Plastic surgery is the new ecstasy, or at least to a number of privileged women. Botox, cheek implants, breast implants, rhinoplasty, chin augmentation, liposuction, name it, there is nothing your local plastic surgeon cannot do. I have nothing against plastic surgery. Heck, I'd probably go under the knife once I win the lottery or once I start choking wadloads of moolah mwhahaha.

Seriously though, I do like the idea if only for tha fact that it does help a lot of people, i.e. breast reconstruction for women who have had mastectomy, surgery for burn victims, cleft lip of cleft palate surgery, surgery for facial bone features as in traumatic injuries, to name a few. BUT, there are those who DO NOT need it in the first place but still go on. There are those who do not know when to stop. They already look as if they're ready for their place in the WAX MUSEUM mwahaha.

There are also those who deny they've ever had it even when mukha na silang bisugo sa kakapaopera. Take this actrees/ singer for example. In the 80's she used to have a small nose, in Tagalog pango. Then she dissapears from her show with then husband. She comes back a few weeks later with a much defined nose then she denies having anything done. End of story? NOT! In the early 2000s when she is already in her 30's, her breasts obviously get bigger, way bigger, say 2 cup sizes bigger. Still she denies having them done. Now, she has thick trout lips to match her ever blossoming bosoms. Still she insists she's a natural beauty. Who the heck is she trying to fool??? Herself siguro mwahaha. Unless you're a developing teenager, or undergoing HRT, your breasts will not grow any bigger au naturel after a cartain age. The breasts, jugs, boobs, mammary glands, bosoms, bumpers, suso, joga, dede, whatever you wish to call them are made up mostly of fat, so unless you are getting a bit flabby or you need HRT dahil nag me menopause ka na, hindi na lalaki pa ang kambal mo lalo habang tumatanda ka. I just don't buy it...............

Even when (notice when and not IF) I win the lottery, I'd refuse to go under the knife. Oh well, maybe a little nip/tuck when my ass stretches to gargantuan proportions, or maybe a tummy tuck when my fabulous 23 inch waist exceeds my 25 inch limit bwahahaha. Or maybe a face lift to erase the wrinkles forming on my forehead. Maybe a little restylane under my eyes. Better yet, ask me again in 10, maybe 5 years, when my breasts would probably start sagging and I'd start looking like a prune from having all those wrinkles mwahaha.................mali pala, huhuhu................


Hay naku Ibyang, ayan ka na naman.............

Batu bato sa langit, ang tamaan ay Luz Valdez mwahaha................

Me Oh, My Oh, on vertically challenged hunks (daw)..........

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I do not watch local television. No, I'm not trying to be unpatriotic at lalong hindi ako nagpapa sosi, it's just that I do not find it entertaining. Never have, never will, NEVAH! I've tried, many times over, but no matter how hard I try, if only for our Inang Bayan, talagang hindi ako na eentertain, hindi talaga! So stop asking me why kainis.

While channel surfing 2 days ago, I was reminded why I hated it in the first place. I see this former child star dancing on tv. As if that's not enough aba nag break dancing pa. He's doing it to promote his very own dance album. By the way, he's considered an up ang coming hunk. By whom, I have no idea, they probably have severe sight (or preference/taste) problems. According to Mr. Webster a hunk is a muscular, well-built man. How can you be called a hunk if you're a grown man and you measure less than 5'5"??? No matter how gwapo you are, I don't think so. Take me for example, at 5'1" I consider myself petite, in Tagalog, pandak, bansot. BUT, BUT, BUT, enter a woman's beauty arsenal - the high heel. Being petite, I own a lot of high-heeled shoes, the highest being more than 5 inches. So if I wear my heels around short guys mukha na akong matangkad baka mag abot pa ang height namin mwahaha. But the same standard does not apply to guys as the highest elevated/elevator shoes I know are about 2 inches only, well at least the natural looking ones. Stick to acting hijo. Please stop bombarding us with your so-called dancing hunks, they look more like swaying hobbits. Sama mo si Frodo Baggins at Samwise Gamgee para masaya mwahahaha.


Speaking of vertically challenged hunks(??!), what do women see in this noontime host??? He's not handsome, he's not even cute, ke liit liit pa niya. I saw him with his gang of alalays/friends/whoever thay are, in person sometime ago at Rustan's with my Nanay Cora, who wanted to run towards him and hug him. I was with my other siblings as well and we went running straight to the nearest escalator. Kidding aside, he's looks really nice and sweet, but pogi, no friggin' way. He has stringed so many women, most of whom are really, really gorgeous, and tall may I add. What is it that you see in him that we don't??? I'm sure it's not money either since he has also hooked up with moneyed women and besides I don't think he's that rich. Baka magaling??? Mag host, you dirty, dirty minds mwahaha.

Hay naku, all this blogging is bringing out the inner

in me. I have relinquished my throne (well, at least wearing this shirt) more than 2 years ago since I started believing in the law of attraction. All this blogging is unleashing her again. Or maybe it's just the hormones. For some reason, my pills don't seem to be doing the trick. I've been moody lately and I swear I have no libido. But heck no, I'm not being apologetic, I meant every word I said. If any of the people mentioned above get to read my post, don't you dare throw rocks at me, baka tamaan kayo ng heels ko mwahaha.

Pinoy Folk Illnesses

Like I said, two days ago was my day off. I had to catch up on a lot of things, reading, cleaning my boys' room, ours as well. That included catching up on my most dreaded household chore, ironing. Two hours, fourteen polo shirts, three khakis, five denim pants and more than a week's worth of my boys' school uniforms later, I took a long, warm bath. Yes, I took a bath immediately after ironing. I could almost hear my Nanay Cora saying 'Huwag na huwag ka maliligo pagkaplantsa, mapapasma ka' ('Don't bathe after ironing, or you'd get pasma').

I actually used to believe that. That is, until I started scouring through pages of health and medical guides, I wasn't able to find the medical term for it, not even an appropriate English equivalent. I may not be doctor but being a nerd does pay off. Filipinos have so many mythical beliefs, some funny, some absurd, some just plain ridiculous. Allow me to illustrate:


Pasma - They say after doing hard manual labor, i.e. ironing, drawing/ drafting, even long hours in the computer, you are not supposed to get your hands, sometimes even your whole body anywhere near water, otherwise you'd get this. They say pasma is characterized by excessive sweating of the palms and tremor-like shaking of the hands sometimes even pain.

This is a very useful ploy for getting off the hook when it comes to other chores like dishwashing or doing the laundry. Extremely useful to design students, ahem guilty, when I was in College, I'd use drawing as an excuse to not do the dishes. Same goes with my sister Roselle who would always use this as an excuse to exempt herself from every possible household chore there is hahaha. The award for 'Most Guilty' goes to Joel for using this ploy since high school, all throughout college, hanggang ngayon. Kidding aside, it's usually his mother who would tell all his sisters, 'o nag drawing si Joel, hindi yan pwede maghugas ng plato'. Thereby sparing him from washing the dishes, every single time hahaha..........

Pilay - Everytime someone gets fever and flu-like symptoms you'll be sure to hear this. The only pilay I know is a person with a limp. It's either fever or flu, stop calling it pilay.

Tigdas Hangin - Whenever my kids would have small rashes anywhere, with no fever-like symptoms whatsoever, I get to hear this 'tigdas hangin yan'. Tigdas is the local term for measles. E ano yung tigdas hangin??? Air measles haha

Lagnat Laki - Whenever I had sinat (when I was a kid), meaning fever with a temperature reading of less than 37.8 degrees, my lola would sometimes say 'lagnat laki lang yan'. I'd even be glad then to have that fever in hopes of getting taller. Alas, useless din, maliit pa rin ako huhuhu....................


Are there any other Filipino folk illnesses I missed??? Please remind me.........

Me Oh, My Oh, on Current Events.............

There are times when forgetting can be just as important as remembering. But to rewrite history is another story. I'm not hallucinating, Martial Law did happen! I may not have been born at the time, but one thing I'm sure of is that it happened. I may not have winessed it first hand, but I still remember seeing on reruns in black and white of the late ex-President Ferdinand Marcos saying 'I now declare Martial Law'. It's like saying the Holocaust never happened, or even World War I or World War II. Stop asking for history books to be rewritten bwiset.

Time may heal all wounds. But it cannot erase the scars left behind. The scars will probably remain to serve as reminders. Just ask all those people who were tortured, jailed, and whose human rights were violated between 1972 to 1981. Not to mention the ones who were brutally murdered, ewan ko kung paano niyo sila tatanungin. Ano ba naman kayo, para kayong hindi kapwa Filipino.

There is a world of difference between good sound reasons and reasons that sound good. Huwag niyo baluktutuin ang katwiran. I know you're all smart, kaya nga nandiyan kayo. But stop making fools of us all. We're not as stupid as you think we are.

This is why I avoid watching the news. Apparently an impossible task since Joel loves keeping abreast of current events. Ako ang na hi high blood. kainis

The Malu Fernandez Affair

We, Joel & I, were watching a news commentary on Malu Fernandez last night. I thought the issue long died when she resigned a couple of weeks ago but I was wrong. In case you've been living under a rock, she was the columnist who wrote derogatory comments on OFWs that came out in a lifestyle magazine a couple of weeks ago. One question struck me, who was victimized, Malu or the OFWs?


I feel for Malu Fernandez, not as a human being but as a writer. Having said that, I'm not coming to her defense either. Nor am I justifying what she has said. She has thrown a lot of deliberate insults and criticism.

I also feel for OFWs. Next to single mothers, I think they are among the greatest living heroes we have. I also feel somewhat disgusted because I have friends and family who are OFWs and they are far from what she describes in the article. They do deserve a lot more respect than what was given them.

I am a writer. Having said that, it is but natural for writers to inject a little sarcasm for humor's sake, heck I do it a lot. Although in her case, I think she went way overboard. But cut her some slack, she's also been ridiculed, mocked and threatened. More so because of her weight.

Voltaire once said that OPINION has caused more troubles on this little earth than plagues or earthquakes. I couldn't agree more.

But I believe that before an opinion can be conceived, one chooses to believe. And to believe is to choose. Choice is everybody's right. It is dignity. It is man's sense of value.

There is an old Latin saying,

Ad libitum.
A plaisir.
A piacere.

At will.
At pleasure.
At discretion.

Maybe it was her opinion. Maybe it was how she felt at the time. Maybe she meant it. Maybe she didn't. Maybe she's under HRT. Maybe she was hormonal (like I am haha) when she said all those things. But then again, we will never know because we aren't Malu Fernandez. It was her choice and she is suffering the consequences. A lot of hurtful things have been said. So please stop with all the bickering and move on...................

In the words of the great Alexander Pope, 'to err is human, to forgive divine'.

Besides, malapit na ng Pasko, charing.................

Dear Diary

Today, I'm a free woman. mwahaha. My kiddielets have been with their dear Tita Telly since yesterday, as today is home study day yehey. Joel is out on site. So technically, parang day off ko ngayon. I'm freeeeeeeee, free I tell you. No, dirty minds, not to drool over Gerard Butler's half-naked pics but to catch up on my cleaning, organizing, and reading. While rummaging through our bodega searching for staple wire, I chanced upon my old diary circa 1997. How time flies noh. Ten years ago my thoughts were predominantly on teenage crushes, love, love, love. Puro love (at ang ganda pa ng handwriting ko noon chuva). Among the things written there was a copy of questions once asked to Anthony Hopkins by GQ or Vanity Fair, see, it's been so long I can't even remember. I'm not a big fan of Sir Anthony Hopkins (I didn't even care what his answers were) what struck me was the was the type of questions asked. It's like a grown up autograph book. I've always believed that if you ask an intelligent question, you're bound to get a rational answer. Pag bopols yung tanong mo, e di bopols din ang sagot na makukuha mo, da va. Anyhoo, I was amazed because among the 28 questions which I answered 10 years ago (14 ata ako nun, ahem, liar liar pants on fire), half of my answers remain the same, and the other half has changed. And since ayaw niyo 'ko tanungin, ako magtatanong sa sarili ko. mwahaha

Moving on..........

What is your idea of perfect happiness? anytime I'm on top of my wakeboard haha

Which historical figure do you most identify with? Marie Antoinette

Which living person do you most admire? Oprah (hindi ko kilala); My mother & my Tita Loi (kakilala ko)

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? OCD & ADD

What is your favorite occupation? Motherhood

What is your most marked characteristic? Idiosyncratic behavior

Which talent would you most like to have? Singing and dancing hahaha

What or who is the greatest love of your life? JLA (who); wakeboarding and bags (what)

If you can change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My limbs, I want longer ones!

If you can change one thing about your family, what would it be? Secret!!!

Which words or phrases do you most overuse? chuva, chaka, shungak, eng eng

When and where were you happiest? 05.22.98/on the road somewhere along Manila

What do you dislike about your appearance? My limbs

Where would you like to live? Very near the beach

Who is your favorite hero of fiction? Holly Golighty (Breakfast at Tiffany's) & Cathy Ames (East of Eden)

Who are your heroes in real life? My mother

What is your most treasured possession? My diaries and scrapbooks

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? O.J. SIMPSON !!!!!!!

What is the quality you most like in a man? Masculine stillness

What is the quality you most like in a woman? Feminine strength

What are your favorite names? Joel, Jorel, Joshua

What do you consider your greatest achievement? Motherhood

What is your greatest fear? Heights

What is your greatest regret? Absolutely nothing!!!

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? Queen Rania Al-Abdullah (Person); falcon (animal)

How would you like to die? Painlessly!!!

What is your motto? If you cannot heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed.

The answers in purple and italic are the ones that have changed, the white ones are the same answers as 10 years ago.

How about you, how would you answer?

Pinoy Daredevils

When I wrote my post on Pinoy drivers a few days ago, I did not include motorcycle drivers for one simple reason - they have a league all their own.



A few months back, after a terrible accident where the back of Joel's pickup was whacked by a bus (he was on a halt due to a stoplight along C-5 when a speeding bus loses it's brakes and hits the rear of the vehicle, turning the pickup's body into an accordion and sending him to a hospital for a suspected whiplash injury) he wanted to try his hand at motorcycles (masochistic???) since the repair of his pickup would take at least 6 weeks. I was hesitant at first but when he was cleared of any injury and signed up for motorcycle safety lessons, I gave in. I was surprised to hear some of the basic safety guidelines since very few, if not none at all, are observed by motorcycle daredevils, I mean drivers in our country. Allow me to elucidate.

Headlights should be ON for additional visibility, even at daytime! This one I rarely see.

Body positioning is crucial. It is ideal that the passenger put his/her hands on the driver's waist. Waist, beywang. Not at the back, not at the chest, not anywhere else. It helps the driver balance the his weight, the motorcycle's, and the passenger's.

Take this for instance, this is the correct posture for the passenger.

Not this,Not this,
The motorcycle is designed for one person only. Inuulit ko, pang isang tao lang talaga yon. Although maybe due to economic reasons, they allow up to 2 passengers. I'm amazed that I can sometimes find 3, even 4 people in one motorcycle especially outside Metro Manila. Violators of this rule would sometimes bring their wife or GF with them, sometimes kids, friends, co-workers. Why not bring along your nanay, tatay, lolo, lola, sama mo na paty kapitbahay mo. Isukbit mo sa balikat mo para kumpleto na kayo. Heck, I don't know if the driver is suicidal and/ or homicidal.

Helmet, helmet, helmet. It is not a mere embellishment. It is a type of protective headgear. The primary goal being, to protect your stubborn head from impact.
For examplePakisuot mo ang helmet mo tatangMagpapakamatay ka na lang, nagsama ka pa O isa pa 'toA baseball cap does NOT qualify as protective headgear................. You're wearing it all wrong shungak Mas mabuti pa yung pasahero mo marunong mag helmetUse helmets that pass D.O.T. standards............
This is interesting, a policeman, in uniform, without a helmet. Tsk tsk tsk, alagad ka pa mandin ng batas

I SPY.... 2 violators........

TA DA........My biggest catch of the day. Two traffic enforcers without helmets, ang lalakas ng loob nyo manghuli, numero uno naman kayong violator!

Well, the happy ending is, Joel sold his 1-month old motorcycle. Mas masarap pa rin daw sa kotse. To quote my dear sis Roselle (o hayan, special mention ka) 'the difference between driving a motorcycle and driving a car.........in a motorcycle, you wrap yourself around metal.................in a car, you are enveloped in metal'

Hay naku, batu bato sa langit ang tamaan ay swangit ....................

Mornin'

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr..............

Sorry peeps, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. At times like this, there is only one prayer (my favorite) that can calm me................


The Serenity Prayer


God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And the Wisdom to know the difference.......

Amen.


Have a great day!

Economizing, My Way

Yes, I do own purses ranging from US$600 to $2,000.

No, I'm not rich nor did I marry rich.

No, I do not have debt, credit card debt, kahit anong debt, pinagkakautangan ng utang na loob, yun ang marami.

Let's just say I'm really good with numbers and I'm good at economizing. I may be able to splurge on certain things but I do scrimp (read: cheaposaurus) when it comes to other things. Let me illustrate.

Food - Forget pate de foie gras or creme brulee. I never fancied fine dining. Marunong akong magdildil ng asin. My husband is amazed at the fact that when I'm saving up for something, I can eat itlog na pula at kamatis for weeks on end. At kakayanin ko pa uli for my next conquest. mwahahaha

No parties, no bar hopping, no karaoke, no alcoholic drinks, no smoking - Well, I never liked attending parties, the only ones I attend are family events. I'm a homebody, so I don't leave the house unless I have to. I may love music, but I cannot sing to save my life, so I just listen, preferably at home. Alcohol, I'm allergic to the stuff. I've been hospitalized a couple of times, esp. in my teens for tasting tequila, rhum, brandy, and gin, separate occasions of course. It made my entire face swell, nagmumukha akong oso. I once tried to smoke, but it did taste kinda weird, parang lasang ashtray. Besides, I'm asthmatic and a mere whiff of smoke makes me reach for a nebulizer.

No wakeboarding for months - Wakeboarding is my droga of choice. I started in the summer of 2004, and on the average I used to go about 2 to 3 times a week. Competition season, about 4 times. That was last year. Ngayon, pahinga muna. A one-way trip to Lago is about 150 kilometers from our house. Imagine how much I've saved on petrol. Add to that the additional expenses for toll fees and food. Oooh, and the membership fees aren't cheap as well. It's been 7 long months and counting........ Malapit lapit na ako masiraan ng bait. huhuhuhu

Manicures and pedicures - Thanks to my nailbiting habit (since age 4) which I never was able to kick, I never needed manicures dahil lagi namang upod na upod ang mga kuko ko. Imagine how much you'll save from never having to get manicures or pedicures.

Note that the above picture shows only my fingernails, you don't wanna know how my toenails look like, nangamatay na silang lahat! mwahahaha

How about you, how do you economize???

P.S. Thanks very much for all your wonderful comments, I really appreciate it. However please leave them here on the comments page where I can save them. Para na sa save, nabubura kasi sa YM. Thanks y'all.

Happy Hearts Day

No, I didn't mean Valentine's Day. Sa February 14 pa yon shungak. I meant heart (disease) awareness day. Admittedly all the non-negotiables in my life, i.e. genetics, diet, exercise, and stress are waving huge red flags. My mother had bypass surgery at age 42, as nearly all her paternal relatives over 60 have. My paternal grandfather underwent bypass surgery some 2 or 3 years ago as well. My maternal grandfather passed away at 32 due to a massive heart attack. Diet, what diet??? I happen to love isaw and lechon kawali. I also have a sweet tooth, in fact I can gulp down 4 Krispy Kreme doughnuts in one sitting, and I'm not talking about the original glazed variety, I meant the New York cheesecake doughnut. As for exercise, the only time I get physical is when I wakeboard, and God knows how long that has been. Wait, does sex count? bwahahaha

So there are my odds. I'm no genetic lottery winner when it comes to healthy hearts. I consume massive amounts of pork, sugar and coffee, and I rarely exercise (if sex doesn't count that is, move over prudes). But no worries, I know I will have no need to start saving up for a future bypass operation. So how do I know, and how do I keep my heart healthy? Well, I believe in the law of attraction and I immerse myself in love love love. Also a little luho every now and then. So peeps, here's the top 5 list of my guilty pleasures.

Bags - my obssession de jour. I love bags especially designer ones. It started with LV, but now that I've outgrown logos, I remain loyal to Balenciaga and YSL (well, at least until I can afford Chanel and Hermes).









Sorry, no fakes here. Even when I was in my early 20's and I cannot (yet) afford designer, I never owned a fake. Never have, never will, and I mean nevah.

Pictures, pictures, pictures - visit my flickr site and everything will be self-explanatory.

Music - my teeny tiny nano's memory is FULL. Loaded with R&B, hip hop and rock & roll. If you chance upon a crazed woman driving a blue car, screaming her lungs out and dancing, that's probably just me. I would sometimes even borrow my husband's shuffle just for a taste of new wave and sappy love songs.

Books - as far back as I can remember, one of my biggest luhos. And I prefer hardbound, thank you.










Gerard Butler (King Leonidas in the movie 300) - just looking, staring, gazing, watching him..........harmless yun, mga bastos kayo, ang dudumi ng mga utak niyo, mwahaha

(photo credit: yahoo)
Haaaayyyy. I swear I hear my knickers drop and my heart go thump thump THUMP everytime I see him onscreen. Heck I don't even care if those abs were airbrushed. He's the second macho-est guy on my list (second only to Joel Pogi). Funny I never even liked muscular guys. My crushees in grade school and high school were the usual nerds and geeks. I never even liked basketball players or soccer players (at lalo namang ayaw nila sa akin mwahaha). When 300 was still in theaters, malls were bombarded with his posters. I would run towards his life size poster and touch his cardboard abs. Natural mente, my husband would be fuming mad and would refuse to talk to me for the rest of the day. It's a good thing he barely reads my posts kundi lagot ako at outside da kulambo na naman ako mamaya mwahahaha.

There goes my heart rate.

Well, what are your guilty pleasures???