Highly Evolved Defense Mechanisms

Sometimes I wonder if there's something infinitely sardonic to preferring animals to people.

I like reptiles of all shapes and sizes. I like snakes. I like turtles. I'm sure you know by now.

Snakes I can identify with because of their solitude and terrorizing facade. Turtles because of their tough looking shell.

I've always loved seclusion. I've always managed to intimidate people I've just met by feigning indifference; by seeming antipatika, maldita, mataray, suplada.

I do not fear death, I said so recently.

Then what is it that would evoke fear in you, she asked.

Heights, I said to myself. But not really, because as soon as I get the chance, I will base jump off Malaysia's KL Tower.

Intimacy and decadence, I retorted.

I'm sure she wanted to ask why but she didn't. Maybe she thought I was being impassive.

Truman Capote once said, "When God hands you a gift, he also hands you a whip; and the whip is intended solely for self-flagellation".

I fear losing anybody I care about. I fear having my heart broken, as it has been many, many times. I fear losing my wit, sometimes even my sanity.

I got teased a lot in grade school because of my weight and my gap teeth. I would cry as soon as I got home. My father told me, "Never let words get to you. Remember, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me' ". Only then would I be appeased.

Why are tears, especially from a woman, always seen as a sign of weakness? I still cried though, but I did it behind closed doors.

I have a very high tolerance for bodily pain. Even the deepest lacerations cannot make me shed a tear. But the slightest cruelty in expression can make me sob.

These days, I don't cry very often. But when I do, it is out of anger.

That's probably what I love about the written word. I can edit it, I can even delete everything I just wrote. But something that is said, you can never take back.

All venomous snakes are capable of biting without injecting their venom into their victim. This is called a 'dry bite'. They do this to indimidate rather than waste their venom on a body much too large for them to eat.

Even non-venomous constrictors can deliver damaging bites.

In a turtle, the shell is there to make it extremely difficult for predators to inflict damage on their very sensitive interior.

As for me, I'm writing this shrouded in obscure madness. All by myself, but that does not mean I am lonely. I'm going back into my shell now.