Happy 1st Birthday, blog!!!!

photo credit: magicbeanbuyer

Thank you Ate Sienna for embracing my blog into the Pansitan.

Thank you J.D. for ratifying my blog into the Midnight Wanderers Society.

Thank you Jamie for allowing me to use your photo on such short notice.

Blogging has, to an exceeding degree, kept me sane through such a crazy year. I made quite a lot of acquaintances and in the process, a few friends. To everyone who's ever stopped by to read, drop, comment, or just hang, thank you. To every stranger or friend who has, in one way or another, connected with me, thank you. For every comment, encouraging or otherwise, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Cathartic

They say a leopard cannot change its spots. For a tiger, its stripes. Metaphoric expressions that simply state that we cannot change our basic nature.

I don't think so.

We go through many noticeable changes as we age. Some even claim that the human body regenerates itself over a period of seven years.

You can change the color of your hair, eyes, skin tone, even your cup size if you wanted to. It's that easy. But that's just the physical....

I've seen a lot of people change over time. I myself have. Some because of age. Others, money - the excess or the lack thereof. Same goes with knowledge or skill, ignorance or obliviousness. Or if you're lucky, wisdom.

Regardless, I believe that reality is essentially static. Belligerency between nations. Conflicts in governments. Upward spikes and crashes in stock markets. Rivalry in siblings. Everything changes.

As they say, just go with the flow.

To me, change is not a question of better or worse. It probably just is. Period.

Although I try to be optimistic, I know deep down I'm severely pessimistic. At my age and I wasn't, I'd be an idiot.

Pixelist: NYC

Buttered Up

I am such a sucker for compliments. Don't get me wrong, I'm bad at giving them and certainly worse when it comes to receiving them. But that doesn't stop me from gushing every time I do receive them.

To whoever wrote that review, thank you. You have no idea how flattered, humbled, and gratified I am right now. Your words made my day. Namaste!

The Arrow That Struck Home

I've been away for 4 and a half months today. Thing is, the longer I find myself away from home, the less I miss it.

Although life was so much easier in Manila, I don't miss it. In Manila, I was surrounded by people who cared about me and loved me. That, to me, has always been my safety net. Whenever I'd run out of gas, I could always call my Mom and in a few hours, my 70-liter tank would be filled. Whenever I needed someone to babysit, I could always call on either of my sisters to do it. Anytime I wanted something to eat, my Nanay Cora would prepare it for me. And there was wakeboarding, and parties, and malls, and.......

Losing that safety net has somewhat emancipated me. Of course there will always be down times when I'd miss that, but I'm learning to live with it.

Moving on is what I've learned to do when problems seem to pile up. Even when they seem to come in bunches, it's okay. You learn to deal with it evey single day. Besides, I wouldn't want to go through life with my eyes shut, or with a closed mind either.

Just the other day, Joel found 4 gray hairs on my head. If I were in Manila, I would've freaked out and headed straight to a salon. Now, I simply don't give a hoot. I have bigger and more important things to worry about.

Having said that, I feel so liberated. And yes, at home.......

From the DailyOM.

The process of evolution can require you to undergo transformations that uproot you. Moving from place to place can seem to literally divide you from the foundations you have come to depend on. Since your home is so intimately tied to the memories that define you, you may feel that you are losing a vital part of yourself when you leave behind your previous house, city, state, or country. And as it may take some time before you fashion new memories, you may feel homeless even after settling into your new abode. To carry your home with you, you need only become your own foundation. Doing so is merely a matter of staying grounded and centered, and recognizing that the pleasures you enjoyed in one place will still touch your heart in another if you allow them.

Your home can be any space or state of being that fulfills you, provided you are at peace with yourself and your surroundings. A person can feel like home to you, as can seasons and activities. If you feel disconnected from what you once thought of as home, your detachment may be a signal that you are ready to move one. Simply put, you will know you have found your home when both your physical environment and energetic surroundings are in harmony with the individual you are within.

Couldn't have said it better.......

Running On Empty

I've been blogging for about 10 and a half months now. I used to REALLY enjoy blogging. I rememeber even coming up with 3 posts in a day and still have enough energy in me to answer every single comment.

I started blogging for pesonal reasons, one of which was so I could give vent to my emotions, mostly angst. I used to think that venting in a blog is helpful. Now I know better. It's so much like saying something in anger. You can never take it back.

I used to get upset and defensive whenever I get mean, rude, and/or offensive comments especially by assholes who don't even have the courage to drop their own names. If you've been reading my blog, you'd know what I'm talking about.

After receiving a couple of nasty comments some months ago, I avoided answering comments altogether.

Don't get me wrong, I love receiving comments. I get a thrill knowing that someone I don't know on a personal level can relate to something I wrote about. That, I think, kept me going.

So I started to filter my posts, oftentimes steering from personal topics in fear of being accused a narcissist. I had to filter practically everything, sometimes leaving me with nothing to write about.

Having said all that, why on earth do I keep blogging?

Any writer writes in hope of having his work read. Much like how a singer would want his music played or heard. Or any single being wishing to reach out to someone. I don't think that's being narcissistic.

And knowing that if I focus too much on what other people say, what other people think, and what other people choose to believe about me - I will never be happy.

It's the invisible threads you weave around you and the wonderful people you meet along the way that make it worthwhile. Much more significant than any comment and way bigger than myself.

pied-à-terre

I fell in love with NYC on my first visit. The culture, the diversity, the accesibility. So when the chance came for us to get an apartment, we (me plus the 3 men in my life) seized the opportunity with arms wide open.

We landed an apartment on the 8th floor so you can just imagine the breathtaking view. Right outside is a view of the Manhattan and Brooklyn skyline.

And then reality sets in - the bills, maintenance issues, taxes, etc. Oh, and have I mentioned accessibility. Apparently, the holes and vents provide easy access for rats and the like. Bummer.......

So if the price of success is hard work, then the price of independence must be, well, very expensive. As Cesare Pavese once put it, 'every luxury must be paid for, and everything is a luxury, starting with being in the world'.

Don't get me wrong though, I still love it here. Living alone has proven itself to be a true test of self-determination, self-suffiency, and self-reliance - not just for me but for Joel and my kids esp.

So here's to our little pied-à-terre, which for now, I'll gladly call home.